There are three major initiatives in my plot to convince Scott to adopt a kitten for our new house. He’s certainly not a cat man, but I’m hoping these three strategies will be enough to win him over so I’ll have the green light to craft a mid-century modern cat condo for my next Pinterest Challenge project. (I may or may not have already started shopping online for kitty cat bow ties.)
Yes, these are the things I choose to occupy my time with.
Part 1: Arrange a meet and greet between Scott and the cat
This part of the plan was executed over the weekend. Unfortunately, it didn’t go off as smoothly as I had hoped. While I assumed Scott would instantly be enamored the moment I placed the fragile puff of orange fur in his hands, he simply spent the entire twenty-minutes complaining about claws while maneuvering her fragile little body into a series of awkward cat poses. To make matters worse, Jolie was beyond terrified of the kitten. Picture whimpering, violent chihuahua shaking, and hiding in an old box of burlap bags for nearly an hour. How she has no problem attacking a full-grown Pit Bull or biting a Great Dane in the face but is petrified by a six-week old cat is beyond me.
Part 2: Dream up an irresistible cat name
Scott has always been a sucker for a clever pet moniker. Surely, coming up with a genius namesake for our new little friend will be motivation enough to make this adoption official. After brainstorming a few possibilities (“Juice” since the cat is orange, “Old Sport”, inspired by The Great Gatsby, “Skunk Cabbage”, just because I think it’s funny ) I’ve finally landed on a winner.
Yes, Gilly as in the character so brilliantly portrayed by Kristen Wig on SNL.
Scott and I have always adored Kristen’s Gilly sketches. I for one would love to summon our new feline by slowly bellowing “Gilly….” in a deep, scolding tone a la the video above.
(Here’s hoping the cat doesn’t actually live up to its mischevious name.)
Scott’s take? “I love it! Gilly. It’s the perfect name for a big dog!”
(I’m still working on that part.)
3. Purchase the CitiKitty
In a moment of weakness, Scott agreed to take in a new kitten. “But only if it’s an outside cat.” he sternly warned.
“What? No way!” I screeched. “This is definitely going to be an inside cat.”
“Nope.” he stubbornly responded. “I’m all about outside cats and inside dogs.”
I let out an exasperated sigh before continuing. “Scott. There are tons of hawks and bald eagles where we’ll be living. There’s no way on the planet I’m adopting a kitten only to have it snatched up by a bird of prey!”
“Sorry, Katrina. I don’t do litter boxes.”
“Come on!” I pleaded. “We can put the litter box in a totally obscure place! No one will even know it’s there…I promise.”
“I’ll know it’s there. I’m sorry Katrina, but the only way we’re having an indoor cat is if it’s toilet trained like Jinxy from Meet the Parents.”
Enter the CitiKitty. (Warning. The video below includes real, unedited cat turds.)
(Hopefully the CitiKitty proves more successful than the fiasco that was Jolie’s litter box training.)
Scott watched this video and rolled his eyes before gagging when the cat poop made its debut. I think that means I can get the kitty, right?