This is why they make dressing rooms ⁶

After teaching a ridiculously sweaty workout class last night, it was my job to stop by the supermarket and pick up some groceries.

To my credit, I did pick up the groceries…after taking a slight detour through the women’s clothing section at my local Target, of course. I knew Tar-jay would have plenty of spring stuff on display, and thought gazing at coral colored tank tops might help me forget, if only for a few brief moments, that it was still thirteen degrees below freezing outside.

(It totally worked.)

As is always the case, my arms were quickly filled with a heavy pile of items I wanted to purchase. The Prabal Gurung line was on clearance and they had three dollars off pullover sweaters…can you blame me? Amidst an obnoxiously bright pair of cropped floral pants I desperately needed and a pale blue sweatshirt tunic I simply could not live without was this adorable little skirt.

A-line skirts have always flattered my small waist/big hips body shape, and this precious little thing was on clearance for fourteen dollars. I simply couldn’t say no!

(The fact that I work from home and thus never have an occasion to wear fancy, twirly skirts like this is obviously irrelevant.)

Much to my surprise, the Target of Smalltown still had every single size in stock. That’s rarely the case when it comes to clearance items. The only problem was that I couldn’t decide which size would fit best. My waist has been shrinking thanks to Weight Watchers…but is it that small? And a generous A-line silhouette can only hide so much…would the tinier size be too tight for my child-bearing-despite-the-fact-that-they-may-never-actually-give-birth hips?

It was clear I needed to try the skirt on. The problem? I was still in my sweaty gym clothes. Not only that…I was still actively sweating. And my hair? Let’s just say it looked like I had just hopped out of a very salty swimming pool without using a towel. I debated trying the garment on anyway, before ultimately realizing there was no way the fitting room attendant would let me into a room to rub my perspiring body all over a brand new, albeit clearance priced, Prabal Gurung skirt.

The time had come to get resourceful.

Fortunately, I was wearing a pair of compression leggings and a slim-cut workout tank. My exercise gear is so fitted and lightweight, I may as well be naked! I could simply remove my jacket and then slip the skirt on over my leggings to see if it would fit. Sure…the skirt might get a little sweaty, but it would still be far less contaminated than if I were to sneak my hot, sweaty mess of a self into the dressing room and actually try it on. With this totally rational conclusion as my motivation, I began to step into the skirt, smack dab in the center of the women’s department.

The good news? The smaller size totally fit. Even on top of my workout clothing!

The bad news? One of the women who participates in my Turbo Kick classes happened to be shopping just one rack over, and decided to take this opportunity to come and say hello. I’ve mentioned before that most people from the gym don’t recognize me in public as I look entirely different with my makeup on and hair styled. But being that I was fresh from class, my sweaty ponytail, bright red face and signature workout gear made me instantly recognizable.

Turbo Kick Girl (Let’s call her “Lucy”): Hey, Katrina!

Me: Oh…um….hey! (I can’t remember her name…which is always awkward. It’s also why we’re calling her “Lucy”)

Lucy: Did you…er…just get done teaching a class?

(At this point I remember I’m wearing the skirt, which explains the strange glances she’s directing towards my lower half.)

Me: Ha! Yeah…can you tell? Hang on…let me just…uh…take this skirt off.

(Naturally, the skirt is stuck. After 30 seconds of uncomfortable fidgeting, I admit defeat.)

Me: Eh…whatever. I’m just going to leave it on. I…uh…you know…didn’t want to wait in line for a fitting room!

(FYI…there’s never a line for a fitting room at the Target of Smalltown. Lucy is kind enough to nod her head in agreement anyway.)

Lucy: Oh…um…yeah. Cool.

We make small talk about the weather, the gym, and a new local restaurant for about five minutes. She pretends to ignore the skirt and I pretend to not be crazy.

We part ways, I buy the skirt (and let’s be honest…seven other fashion items that were absolute necessities to my Spring 2013 wardrobe) and finally head over to Wal-Mart for the stupid groceries. Ten minutes in, I find myself in the condiment aisle, jumping up and down with all my might so I might see if they have my favorite brand of stone ground mustard in stock. (It was on the very highest shelf, which is way above my line of sight.)

After at least eight different jumps, I had once again begun sweating. I also felt a pair of eyes burning a hole in the back of my skull. Glancing over my left shoulder, I saw a young woman staring at my with a bit of confusion, but mostly just concern.

Of course, it just had to be Lucy.

Something tells me I just lost all credibility as Turbo Kick Instructor…even though my jumps to see the mustard demonstrated excellent form.

The real tragedy is that they didn’t even have my favorite brand in stock. If Wal-Mart is going to place their best products way out of reach, making their customers look crazy in the process, they could at least have the decency to carry Grey Poupon stone ground mustard!

(And yes…I’m blaming this entire thing on Wal-Mart.)

Liked this? Then try these:

Permanent Ink

Confidence versus Delusion

Like Elle Woods, only sweatier

Giveaway: Chanel Nail Polish! ⁵³

I’ve decided I’m now going to wear Chanel everyday.

Without going broke.

Remember this Facebook post from last week?

Actually, it was $52. I’m good at fashion, bad at math.

I haven’t painted my own nails in over a year…yet after reading Rachel Wilkerson’s rave review of Chanel Nail Vernis, I thought I might give it the old college try.

Yes, spending $26 on a single bottle of nail polish could be considered a bit excessive.

But then I considered this: I’ve been getting a manicure every 2-3 weeks and a pedicure once a month. That’s roughly $75 a month for nail care, which adds up to $900 annually.

So yes, in 2011 I spent nearly $1,000.

On nails.

Oh snap.

Looking at it that way kind of lessened the blow of $23 nail polish.

Also? The nail salon isn’t always relaxing for me. I spend the entire time terrified of being cut by the tools that, in my whacked out mind, will infect me with HIV. I realize that sounds incredibly insensitive (not to mention illogical), but in 2007 I truly convinced myself I had contracted AIDS from a nail salon for a good three months. Only when the woman at the free clinic told me to go see a psychiatrist and never to come back for the rapid HIV test did I finally snap out of it.

I believe her exact words were, “Oh you’re sick. Just not with AIDS.”

Needless to say, the nail salon tends to bring out some of my “cray cray”. Plus, I’m getting sick of the ladies who work there trying to force pregnancy upon me. I do not want a baby, I just want my nails done without contracting a blood-borne illness, thank you.

What I’m trying to say is, the Chanel polish will saving my bank account and my sanity.

When these puppies arrived in the mail earlier a few days ago, I might have done a few celebratory somersaults. Jolie claims they looked more like someone having a seizure, but I was wearing super tight skinny jeans and did the best I could.

The fact that my jeans didn’t rip is truly a miracle. I swear, the ghost of Coco Chanel must have been watching over me, or something.

The two colors I selected were “Distraction” (I wanted something bright for Spring) and “Particuliere” (I have a total addiction to neutral grey shades).

The colors are, in a word, dreamy. Much better in person and just the right shade. Even the peachy pink “Distraction” is neutral enough to coordinate with just about any color.

Suddenly, this super expensive nail polish thing is starting to make sense.

I was itching to paint my nails with the pink color.

But there was a slight problem. I still had a month-old Gelac manicure on my digits.

31 days after my manicure

I’ve got to hand it to Da at Foxy Nails. While she may be the only person in the world who wants me to get pregnant more than my mother, she gives a pretty durable manicure.

My nails had been painted with Gelac–a lightweight gel polish that combines the long-lasting effects of a gel nail with the easy application of a regular varnish. It doesn’t chip, and stays shiny for up to one month.The process requires a UV lamp for “curing”, and takes around 10 minutes to remove.

Unless you try to remove it yourself.

Then it will take upwards of one hour and twenty minutes.

And your nails will look like this:

Better stick to my day job.

It was the best I could do. And quite frankly, after 80 minutes of battling the nail polish that’s almost as stubborn as I am, I was pretty much over it.

Although I have to say…the removal process wasn’t totally monotonous.

Gang signs. That’s right…I’m starting a manicure gang.

The initiation is spending $900 a year on getting your nails done.

After another half hour of chasing Jolie around the condo with my foil fingers, it was finally time to dress my hands in Chanel Les Vernis.

Let me preface this by explaining that I am terrible at painting my nails. The last time I tried to DIY my manicure (in bright red) it looked as if I had attempted to butcher a rabid squirrel with my bare hands.

I am not exaggerating.

Which is why I was shocked when my Chanel manicure turned out like this:

I dont’ know if it’s the high-end polish, the fancy brush, or the fact that I tried unusually hard not to screw things up…but they actually look kind of…nice. And, if the reviews are accurate, they won’t chip.

(Insert seizure-looking sommersaults here.)

I realize the texture is a little rough and bumpy. This is due to the fact that I didn’t have a nail file to buff my nails after removing the insanely cantankerous Gelac polish. I essentially painted directly over nail beds that had the texture of steel wool.

My toes (which did NOT have petrified gel polish that needed to be removed with a sledgehammer) provide a more accurate representation of the glorious polish that has pretty much changed my life.

Chanel + Target + Feet = Katrina in a nutshell

Oh…you like the shoes?

As promised, I stopped at Target to make sure I completed “part B” of my Epic Pinterest fail turned glorious shoe shopping success.

Yeah. Rockin’ these mama’s is way better than sewing a giant bean bag or painting an octopus on canvas. (No offense, Sherry and Katie.)

As if the new shoes, designer nails and 70 degree weather wasn’t enough, I finally made my debut at the brand new Stargetbucks of Small Town.

No matter how warm the weather, I prefer my lattes hot.

You can take the girl out of Seattle, but you can’t take the Seattle out of the girl.

Basically, that’s the “clever” way of saying that after guzzling this bad boy, I ate a pound of smoked salmon before slipping into a pair of Birkenstocks.

With socks.

Just kidding. Do you really think I’d slip on hippie shoes instead of prancing around the house in my new Pinterest heels? I’m not that Seattle.

Jolie thinks my attempt at walking in the heels made me look like an uncoordinated giraffe going through puberty.

I think she’s just jealous that I can actually wear shoes. And go through puberty.

“Who needs shoes when you look this sexy?”

Despite her cheap shots at my gracefulness, today was pretty much the best day ever.

And it can be just as fabulous for you — because I’m giving away a bottle of Chanel Polish to one lucky reader! You’ll be able to pick from these 37 adorable colors that Nordstrom has to offer:

And you have five, yes, five chances to enter! Leave a comment on this post for each one of the following:

1. Follow this blog in your reader or via email subscription. (1 comment…you can still comment if you’ve already followed!)

2. Like ‘Sota is Sexy on Facebook (1 comment…you can still comment if you’ve already “liked”!)

3. Share your favorite post (can’t be this one) on Facebook (1 comment)

4. Share your favorite post (can’t be this one) on Twitter (1 comment)

5. Pin your favorite post (can’t be this one) or the blog homepage on Pinterest (1 comment)

Each comment you leave on this post will counts as one entry. You must leave a comment on this page for your entry (or entries) to count. The giveaway closes at 8PM EST on Thursday, March 22.

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Here’s to Stargetbucks, buying things you found on Pinterest, and spending way too much money on nail polish!