After teaching a ridiculously sweaty workout class last night, it was my job to stop by the supermarket and pick up some groceries.
To my credit, I did pick up the groceries…after taking a slight detour through the women’s clothing section at my local Target, of course. I knew Tar-jay would have plenty of spring stuff on display, and thought gazing at coral colored tank tops might help me forget, if only for a few brief moments, that it was still thirteen degrees below freezing outside.
(It totally worked.)
As is always the case, my arms were quickly filled with a heavy pile of items I wanted to purchase. The Prabal Gurung line was on clearance and they had three dollars off pullover sweaters…can you blame me? Amidst an obnoxiously bright pair of cropped floral pants I desperately needed and a pale blue sweatshirt tunic I simply could not live without was this adorable little skirt.
A-line skirts have always flattered my small waist/big hips body shape, and this precious little thing was on clearance for fourteen dollars. I simply couldn’t say no!
(The fact that I work from home and thus never have an occasion to wear fancy, twirly skirts like this is obviously irrelevant.)
Much to my surprise, the Target of Smalltown still had every single size in stock. That’s rarely the case when it comes to clearance items. The only problem was that I couldn’t decide which size would fit best. My waist has been shrinking thanks to Weight Watchers…but is it that small? And a generous A-line silhouette can only hide so much…would the tinier size be too tight for my child-bearing-despite-the-fact-that-they-may-never-actually-give-birth hips?
It was clear I needed to try the skirt on. The problem? I was still in my sweaty gym clothes. Not only that…I was still actively sweating. And my hair? Let’s just say it looked like I had just hopped out of a very salty swimming pool without using a towel. I debated trying the garment on anyway, before ultimately realizing there was no way the fitting room attendant would let me into a room to rub my perspiring body all over a brand new, albeit clearance priced, Prabal Gurung skirt.
The time had come to get resourceful.
Fortunately, I was wearing a pair of compression leggings and a slim-cut workout tank. My exercise gear is so fitted and lightweight, I may as well be naked! I could simply remove my jacket and then slip the skirt on over my leggings to see if it would fit. Sure…the skirt might get a little sweaty, but it would still be far less contaminated than if I were to sneak my hot, sweaty mess of a self into the dressing room and actually try it on. With this totally rational conclusion as my motivation, I began to step into the skirt, smack dab in the center of the women’s department.
The good news? The smaller size totally fit. Even on top of my workout clothing!
The bad news? One of the women who participates in my Turbo Kick classes happened to be shopping just one rack over, and decided to take this opportunity to come and say hello. I’ve mentioned before that most people from the gym don’t recognize me in public as I look entirely different with my makeup on and hair styled. But being that I was fresh from class, my sweaty ponytail, bright red face and signature workout gear made me instantly recognizable.
Turbo Kick Girl (Let’s call her “Lucy”): Hey, Katrina!
Me: Oh…um….hey! (I can’t remember her name…which is always awkward. It’s also why we’re calling her “Lucy”)
Lucy: Did you…er…just get done teaching a class?
(At this point I remember I’m wearing the skirt, which explains the strange glances she’s directing towards my lower half.)
Me: Ha! Yeah…can you tell? Hang on…let me just…uh…take this skirt off.
(Naturally, the skirt is stuck. After 30 seconds of uncomfortable fidgeting, I admit defeat.)
Me: Eh…whatever. I’m just going to leave it on. I…uh…you know…didn’t want to wait in line for a fitting room!
(FYI…there’s never a line for a fitting room at the Target of Smalltown. Lucy is kind enough to nod her head in agreement anyway.)
Lucy: Oh…um…yeah. Cool.
We make small talk about the weather, the gym, and a new local restaurant for about five minutes. She pretends to ignore the skirt and I pretend to not be crazy.
We part ways, I buy the skirt (and let’s be honest…seven other fashion items that were absolute necessities to my Spring 2013 wardrobe) and finally head over to Wal-Mart for the stupid groceries. Ten minutes in, I find myself in the condiment aisle, jumping up and down with all my might so I might see if they have my favorite brand of stone ground mustard in stock. (It was on the very highest shelf, which is way above my line of sight.)
After at least eight different jumps, I had once again begun sweating. I also felt a pair of eyes burning a hole in the back of my skull. Glancing over my left shoulder, I saw a young woman staring at my with a bit of confusion, but mostly just concern.
Of course, it just had to be Lucy.
Something tells me I just lost all credibility as Turbo Kick Instructor…even though my jumps to see the mustard demonstrated excellent form.
The real tragedy is that they didn’t even have my favorite brand in stock. If Wal-Mart is going to place their best products way out of reach, making their customers look crazy in the process, they could at least have the decency to carry Grey Poupon stone ground mustard!
(And yes…I’m blaming this entire thing on Wal-Mart.)