Parties

Oh my wordy, look who’s 30!

Oh my wordy, look who’s 30! 1

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I just spent a good ten minutes debating whether the third word of this title should be spelled “wordy” or “wordie”. (I also nearly gave up and just went with “squirty”.)

The correct answer?

Katrina writes the worst puns ever.

Moving on.

This weekend, we travelled to Omaha in honor of my handsome husband’s 30th birthday. I had planned a small get-together to celebrate the completion of his third decade, and was delighted that so many of our friends and family could be in attendance.

The evening began at Nosh Wine Lounge, which I highly recommend.

There was a Polaroid-fueled “guest book”…

polaroid photo guest book

Both Scott AND the camera turned 30 this weekend.

A very sophisticated platter of jungle animal cupcakes…

jungle german chocolate cupcakes

Nothing adds elegance to a cupcake quite like a plastic hippo covered in lead paint.

And of course, a table full of the buttons I created a few weeks ago.

photo buttons from zazzle

The extras are going up on eBay tonight. Starting bid is two pounds of gummy worms.

The evening ended at 2:00 the following morning. Scott and I found ourselves at the McDonald’s drive-thru on 4oth and Dodge. You know how you can tell it was a night full of birthday indulgence and free of inhibition? I didn’t even ask them to hold the mayo on my chicken club sandwich.  Seriously people, this happens maybe once a year. (There also might have been a soda to milkshake upgrade, but we’re going to pretend that didn’t happen.)

In between Nosh and McDonalds,we found ourselves at the finest gay dance club in all of Nebraska. (Yes, such a thing exists.)

I eventually resorted to dancing on a three-foot tall platform as if I were a gogo dancer, my mother-in-law shaking her groove thang right alongside me. Truly, I have married into the best family ever.

Here’s to public platform dancing, aging gracefully, and ordering your chicken sandwich with extra mayo every once in a while.

“Just turned thirty and feelin’ flirty!”

What? I never claimed to be skilled at rhyming.

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How to crash a wedding in four easy steps 2

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Sometimes the most fun weddings are the one’s you aren’t actually invited to. I would know, being that in the past month, I’ve shown up to two celebrations of matrimony when I haven’t technically been on the guest list.

I’m not going to talk about the first one as I fear the story of how it all went down may make me appear to be a complete jackhole– and that’s putting it very lightly. I’m blaming my behavior on the fact that I inhaled a generous amount of spray tan fumes before deciding a litre of champagne was a wise decision.

For the record, it wasn’t a wise decision. Just ask the tw0 hundred or so people who now know Scott and I as the extremely offensive Mr. and Mrs. Reginald Jackson.

At least I had an awesome tan, though.

My second attempt at crashing was far more successful — and I didn’t even have to change my name! Want to know my secrets? Read on and before you know it, you’ll be crashing weddings with more swagger than Owen Wilson circa 2005.

1. Show up with a date.

Walking into the ceremony with some man (or lady) candy at your side gives you instant wedding street cred. Particularly if your date was actually invited. This is easily the number one way to get into a wedding without being interrogated or asked to leave. Here’s a photo of me and my date enjoying a fabulous reception at a friend’s wedding this weekend.

My date to the wedding

Yes, I realize that’s not Scott. He’s actually one of my good friends and coworkers. Dont’ worry, he’s single, so it’s only half inappropriate.

While I feel like our outing may have broken several HR policies, it was totally worth it as it allowed me to eat a large portion of tasty peach cobbler. And fancy hot dogs. Which leads me to my next tip…

2. Don’t be shy about food or drink.

You know who looks like they’re not supposed to be at a wedding? Someone who doesn’t eat or drink anything for fear of being found out.

It is for this reason that you shouldn’t allow your status as a crasher to hold you back. Go ahead…drink from the open bar and eat that second slice of cake. It makes you look like you belong.

This weekend’s wedding had an awesome spread of barbecue food including my all time favorite — fancy hot dogs. (Yes, hot dogs can totally be fancy…just Google it.) I’ve never met a hot dog I didn’t like, and chose to experience the celebration to the fullest while eating them shamelessly. And you know what? I bet everyone around me was thinking, “Wow…that girl is sure going to town on that fancy hot dog. She must totally be on the guest list….I mean, no one would dare go to a wedding and eat that much food unless they were invited.”

Mind reading. It’s a gift.

3. Dance your butt off.

I’ve found that in most cases, the success of life’s endeavors can be measured by how sweaty you are when it’s all over. A workout, an important meeting, a shopping spree, a first date, lunch at Old Country Buffet — chance’s are if you’re super sweaty at the end of one of these things, you’ve done a really good job.

The same is true for showing up uninvited to a wedding.

Furious dancing equals furious sweating. Furious dancing also equals fitting in. If both these statements are true (and they are), then I think we can all agree that furious sweating becomes a tell-tale sign of a successful crashing.  I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I think the photo below proves that I’ve mastered this step.

Katrina sweaty

Super sweaty AND I have boob fat! And questionable red lipstick! Triple points!

My successful sweat session is largely due to the fact that this weekend’s wedding reception holds the record for the most Britney Spear’s songs played in the history of wedding receptions. It was amazing. Combining fancy hot dogs with Britney Spears happens to be a passion of mine, and I truly don’t remember the last time I’ve had such a blast on the dance floor. I just hope none of my coworkers who witnessed my fervent booty shaking think any less of me now that they realize I’ve memorized choreography from six different Britey videos.

Fine. Seven different Britney videos.

4. Take a photograph with the bride (or groom).

If the bride or groom accepts you, you’re in. Because I always take the classy approach, I desperately snapped a photo with the woman of honor in the restroom in between Britney songs.

Hilary the bride

Isn’t she stunning? I really hope I didn’t get too much sweat on her while we were posing.

I kind of have a ginormous girl crush on the bride, and am totally flattered she was willing to take this picture with me and my sweaty, hot dog eating self. It may or may not have been the highlight of my evening.

****

There you have it. Simply follow my four easy steps and you’ll find that crashing a wedding is easy, fun, and totally classy, so long as you don’t get too carried away with the photo booth. Just don’t forget to always bring a gift, and never, under any circumstances attempt to give a toast, even if you did prepare a sentimental haiku ahead of time. You wouldn’t want to wear out your welcome, after all.

****

In the spirit of full disclosure, the bride was generous enough to send me a last-minute invitation to her big celebration when she realized I happened to be in Seattle visiting. So really, I was only semi-crashing. Hilary — thank you so much for including me in your big day. You and Justin make a beautiful couple, and you’re wedding was a touching and vibrant celebration that perfectly reflected the love you have for each other — I was honored to be a very small part of it!

I’d also like to thank  my date for driving me two hours each way to the wedding, and listening to me gab the entire time. I can imagine his relief that I’m married, and he’ll never have to take me on a second date. Peter – I’m really sorry for getting extremely sweaty on the dance floor prior to climbing into your vehicle for the drive home – I’ll pay to have it shampooed if you like.

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Yeah, it happened 2

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This week has been a random smattering of events that on their own, aren’t really all that special.

But together? Together I believe they can be great. Kind of like on Captain Planet, when all of the individually lame planeteers held up their ring pops and combined their powers summon the captain himself.

Katrina’s blog posts. They’re our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zeeerooo.

No, I’m not going to write about the environment. Or take pollution down to zero.

I may, however, craft a clever PSA about how to safely eat gummy worms.

Without further ado, I give you my life over the past few days.

*****

I decided it would be a good idea to invite my dad to the tail end of a happy hour with my coworkers.

Spoiler alert: not a good idea.

He showed up, and proceeded to tell them all about how he’s saved my childhood hair, teeth, and baby fingernails in various Tupperware accessories. He claims I’ll thank him one day, especially for the teeth.

Seriously Dad…what am I going to do…make a necklace out of them?

Now I’m afraid to face all my colleagues at work tomorrow.

Yeah, it happened.

*****

I showed up a bit early for happy hour with my friend Carina the other night, and made the mistake of choosing a booth that was perpendicular to a bar table.

A bar table that just so happened to be occupied by two young professionals on a first date. I was literally eighteen inches from them, and it was too late to stand up and find a new booth.

I sat there alone for a good ten minutes, staring the crap out of their date and listening to them talk about how much they love Downton Abbey and Pagliaci Pizza.

And then, I accidentally sneezed on them.

Yeah, it happened.

*****

I choked on a gummy worm in the middle of an important presentation at this week’s conference.

Just for the record, choking on a gummy worm is the most humiliating choking of all.

Eventually I had to run out of the room and have a recruiter standing outside slap me on the back until the worm was dislodged.

Yeah, it happened.

*****

I’ve been very diligent about taking my oral typhoid vaccine in preparation for an upcoming trip to South America. There are four pills in total, and I need to take one every 48 hours.

I took the last pill 12 hours late on accident. The “good” news is, there’s only a ten percent chance the vaccine won’t work as a result of my carelessness.

I think that information was supposed to make me feel better…?

(If I die of “the fever” while I’m in Ecuador, I’m leaving all my handbags to Jolie.)

Yeah, it happened.

****

My feet hurt so bad after happy hour on Monday, I hailed a cab to drive me two and a half blocks to my car.

It was the best $2.75 I ever spent.

Yeah, it happened.

*****

I decided to wear jeans and a ratty sweatshirt to the conference today. I mean, the place was just full of nerds fellow web designers, anyway.

Then I remembered I was meeting some girlfriends for a “first date” after work . (More on this later.)

I rushed to Nordstrom and bought a new outfit, which I quickly changed into in the extremely large fourth floor bathroom.

Of course, this involved getting lost in the extremely large fourth floor bathroom and accidentally barging in, uninvited, to the nursing mother’s section.

It was beyond awkward, and I almost got sprayed.

I then tried my very best to discreetly hide the ugly sweatshirt in my suspiciously bulging handbag before heading to the restaurant for drinks.

Yeah, it happened.

*****

I laughed so hard at something I read on the internet, it made me kick a full glass of OJ all over the carpet at my sister’s apartment.

spilled orange juice

At least it’s better than laughing so hard it comes out your nose…

I then cleaned it up with her very best towel.

What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

Yeah, it happened.

*****

I ate full meals at both Red Lobster and Azteca this week.

Out of my own free will.

One of these culinary adventures may or may not have involved a scandalously fattening appetizer most commonly known as the “Mexican Pizza”.

Azteca mexican restaurant margarita

The margarita made me do it.

For the record, no one should ever, under any circumstances ingest a Mexican pizza.

Yeah, it happened.

*****

While writing this post, I sang the Captain Planet theme song approximately 6.5 times.

At least I think it was the theme song.

(The margaritas made the lyrics…if you can even call them lyrics…are a tad bit fuzzy.)

Now, go recycle something so I can feel a tiny bit better about this terribly asinine analogy.

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Make new friends, but keep the old

Make new friends, but keep the old 0

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Let me start by saying that Scott, Jolie and I safely made it to Minnesota Sunday afternoon. It’s all still very surreal, yet there’s something about stepping out into 16 degrees that slaps you in the face and screams “You live here now!”

Despite the low number on the thermometer, it was a beautifully sunny and clear day–it didn’t actually feel that much colder than Seattle.

Jolie may beg to differ on that one.

Jolie in the snow

"Wait a second...I thought you said this white stuff was frosting...?"

The fact that we’ve officially moved hasn’t quite hit me yet. We’re staying with my in-laws, who we visit at least once a year, so it still sort of feels like just another family vacation. Although we normally visit them in July, so the snow is a bit of a change.

Minnesota Morning

This morning's view from the back deck

I’m sure once we start house-hunting later  reality will start to set in. Especially as homes in the town we’re moving too are a little more, um, rustic that our urban condo in Seattle.

Tree bed

"Wood" seems to be a common theme in all of the rentals we've considered.

Wood paneling, wood counters, wood ceilings. You name it, it’s wood.

Looks like I may have to revise my  ”Mid-century modern meets Danish minimalism” decorating concept.

Although we haven’t found our new home yet, I’m just happy to finally be here. After getting back from Hawaii, we had less than one week to pack everything up and get out-of-town, which was exhausting, to say the least. Add to this the fact that I didn’t take any time off of work, and was battling the cold of the decade. It was a recipe for disaster.

Or a recipe for a party.

Remember my birthday gone wrong that ended at Zayda Buddy’s Minnesota Pizza Bar?

Scott and I returned to Zayda’s for our Minnesota-themed going away party.

Yes, we threw ourselves a going away party. We’re going to make you miss us whether you like it or not.

Zayda Buddy’s serves tater tot hot dish, names their pizza’s after Norwegian Vikings, and plays Minnesota hockey on all of the big screens. It was the obvious choice.

No, it was the only choice.

I woke up on Saturday feeling sick as a dog: miserable, crabby and congested. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the day cleaning our condo before we left.

And I really didn’t want to go to my party.

But, a girl only moves from Seattle to Minnesota once, so I rallied. After hours of vacuuming, touch up painting, and somehow cleaning the bathroom despite the fact that all of our cleaning supplies were already packed and on their way to Minnesota, it was time make one last pilgrimage to Zayda Buddy’s.

I popped some DayQuil, slapped on some lipstick and walked across the street  to self-medicate with a few spicy bloody marys.

I must have done something right — Scott, Jolie and I, along with 50 of our closest friends, shut the place down.

Ya, sure, you betcha.

I was beyond touched that so many of our friends were able to come celebrate with us. The last two and half years in Seattle have been some of our best yet, due in large part to all of wonderful people who became a part of our lives there. Truly, I think the last time we had this many friends in one room was our wedding in 2007. Really, the only difference between the two occasions was that I chose to wear a sequined Minnesota Vikings jersey as opposed to a white gown.

Kathy and Katrina

Is it bad that I might actually like this jersey MORE than my wedding dress?

Also different from our wedding? The food. Instead of fancy schmancy hor ‘d’ oeuvres, we got down to business with the Chelsea Chelsea pizza.

Chelsea Chelsea pizza Zayda Buddys Ballard

At first glance, it looks like a perfectly innocent pepperoni pizza. And then you realize it's covered in macaroni and cheese. I should probably mention that after demolishing this delightful meal we proceeded to pound a bucket of fried cheese curds.

Again, pretty sure I liked the food at Zayda’s better than the food at my wedding. If all of the food in Minnesota is like this, I’m going to need jeans with an elastic waistband.

I really hope it doesn’t come to that.

The party lasted until two in the morning, at which point, a large group of friends came over to our empty condo for wine, chit-chat, and wrestling.

Yes, wrestling. This is my husband we’re talking about, after all.

Empty condo

It's amazing how much space there is to wrestle when all your furniture is gone.

The same husband who actually said “Wow, we should have gotten rid of all our stuff a long time ago. I could have been wrestling in here all along!”

So apparently, he is on board with my Danish minimalism decorating scheme.

After a few hours of wrestling, and one last look around the place, it was 5:00 am — time to leave for the airport.

That’s right, I pulled an all-nighter, despite being sick with the plague and exhausted from a week of working and moving.

But for one last night on the town with my friends? Totally worth it.

Leaving a city full of people I love behind is beyond difficult, yet I can’t help but think of all the new friends we will hopefully make in Small Town.

It may require posting a desperate ad on Craigslist, but I will make friends in this new town if it kills me.

Considering Craiglist’s track record, it just might literally kill me.

All jokes aside, with new places come new adventures, new experiences and most importantly, new relationships.

If I had never moved to Nebraska, I wouldn’t know Lindsay, Krista, Kori, Sara or Katie.

If I had never blindly relocated to Syracuse, I wouldn’t have met Tim and Robyn, Vanessa and Streeter, Margaret, Barbara, Andy, Tim…the list goes on.

And if two and a half years ago, Scott and I hadn’t trekked across the country to move into a tiny little condo in Ballard, we would never have crossed paths with most of the people who celebrated with us on Saturday.

Thinking about the friends we have made, and the ones we have yet to make literally warms my heart.

Which is a good thing, because it’s really freaking cold outside.

Minnesota t-shirt

I think this shirt would look AWESOME with my new elastic waistband jeans. And it will obviously help me make lots of new friends. Duh.

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