This is not a real post.
You see, in order to actually write a real post, I would need to have logged more than three hours of sleep last night.
(Fortunately I have the day off and am driving to Nebraska as we speak. Looks like I’ll be dozing off soon and sleeping through all of the thrilling scenery Iowa has to offer. Darn.)
So why did I get so little shut-eye?
In a brief moment of insanity, I decided teaching a 5:15 am workout class was something I was up for. This meant my alarm was set for 4:30 am. (And 4:15, 4:20, 4:25 and 4:35…just in case.)
Being that I’m not a morning person, sleeping through my alarm is a huge fear of mine. As the instructor, it’s vital that I actually show up to the class…not to mention the fact that I’m responsible for unlocking the building. I don’t think the women of Smalltown would appreciate me sleeping in, leaving them waiting in a 14 degree parking lot at 5:00 am.
Despite trying to fall asleep by 9:30pm, it was well after midnight before I finally slipped out of consciousness. Even then, I was so worried I would sleep through the alarm, I woke up in a panic every thirty minutes frantically checking the time on my iPhone.
Add to this a horrible Sound of Music-inspired nightmare, and you do not have a good night’s sleep.
Not at all.
So what exactly does a Sound of Music-inspired nightmare consist of, you ask? My version included me, starring as Maria, in a large-scale production somewhere important. (Possibly Bemidji.) It was opening night, and all of my friends, family, and even enemies were in the audience. The problem? I had failed to memorize any of my lines or song lyrics. Basically, it was me, butchering “The Lonely Goatherd” in front of everyone I know, trying to make up for my made up lyrics by performing an overly enthusiastic box step.
(Can you tell I was a former theater kid?)
After tossing and turning for hours on end, visions of clothes made from curtains haunting my dreams, 4:30am finally arrived.
I roused myself from the most comfortable mattress in the world, got dressed, and drove to the gym.
I then proceeded to lead a group of women in a series of 100 burpees.
Yes. 100 of them. The workout was inspired by the video below. Only difference? This video is only fifteen minutes. Our workout was three times that length. (Basically it was one giant blur of salt and curse words.)
Looks like I’m no longer the most peppy and vocal fitness instructor in the land! Cassey from this video definitely holds that title. (Or at least gives me a serious run for my money.)
The good news is that I survived. Honestly, it was awesome to work out with such intensity at the butt-crack of dawn before spending the rest of the day sitting in a vehicle. Plus, the ladies at the gym are totally inspiring and awesome. All in all, it was 100% worth it.
(Still…I don’t know which took more inner strength…completing 100 burpees in real-life, or dreaming that I had accidentally hijacked the “Climb Ev’ry Mountain” solo from Mother Abbess…not realizing it wasn’t even my song to begin with until halfway through a very off-key third chorus.)
Main image by bortescristian