Some of my favorite posts from the past are the ones detailing the colorful search terms people use to somehow find their way to this little blog of mine. Browsing the most popular keywords became a weekly hobby of mine that never failed to produce chuckles, confusion, and a few slightly concerned eyebrow raises.
But then, I let fear get the best of me. I was experiencing stress in a lot of different areas of my life, which ultimately resulted in worrying.
One of these worries stemmed from the realization that people from all over the world were coming to my site via search. With the click of a mouse they were able to access piles of information regarding myself, my family and my home. What was keeping one of these people from stalking me? Harassing me online? Showing up to my apartment with a pick axe in hopes of kidnapping Jolie? I decided to remove my blog from Google’s search index.
A few months later, I was diagnosed with mild anxiety. Anyone who knows me well probably wasn’t all that surprised by this. I chose to start taking a low-dose of anti-anxiety medicine, and soon started seeing the world with a much healthier perspective. While this newfound clarity affected all areas of my life, it specifically impacted my outlook on the blog in the following ways.
- I realized the goal of a blog is for people to actually read it. Having users from all over the world find my blog via search is a good thing.
- While I’m a pretty open book, I don’t reveal any information that is dangerous or harmful. I’m conscientious about the things I share online.
- There are way too many Maria Sharapova types on the internet for someone to want to stalk silly old me. I’m far less beautiful, wealthy and interesting. I’m also terrible at tennis. (Although I do have a Cannon Powershot…)
Long story short, I turned search capabilities back on a few weeks later. And thank goodness I did…there were some real gems buried in my Google Analytics. Let’s take a look at how people have been stumbling into ‘Sota-land through the lens of three different categories:
1. People who probably found what they were searching for.
- Veiny arms (381 searches)
- Ringworm medication (204 searches)
- Granny panties (38 searches)
- Hip hop sweatpants (27 searches)
- Unicorn jeans (21 searches)
- Drag queen makeup (17 searches)
- Fat Katrina (15 searches)
- Justin Bieber cake (15 searches)
- Bristol Palin’s chin (14 searches)
- Catsuit cameltoe (11 searches)
- Why not to Google yourself (10 searches)
- Guys with swag (6 searches)
- “totally ate a guinea pig” (6 searches)
- Ugly sweaty girl (5 searches)
- Trying too hard (3 searches)
2. People who probably didn’t find what they were searching for. (At least I hope not…)
- Naked people on motorcycles (45 searches)
- Guinea pigs for sale (13 searches)
- Towel bath romper for adult (9 searches)
- Sexy corn (8 searches)
- LARP costumes (7 searches)
- Sparkly cellulite (4 searches)
- How to look sexy puking (3 searches)
3. People who I desperately want to be Internet friends with.
- Naked spa baptism (24 searches)
- Crazy girl Sota is Sexy (22 searches)
- “Dressed up as potatoes” (15 searches)
- Rhino in love with a guinea pig (14 searches)
- Casserole of broken dreams (12 searches)
- Jesus playing soccer (8 searches)
- Norwegian eyebrow styling tips (8 searches)
- Nicki Minaj underwear (7 searches) **Does this exist?!? I need a pair!
- Why is my face so sweaty? (7 searches)
Towel bath romper for adult? I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. If this post right here isn’t most convincing testimonial regarding the benefits anxiety medicine, I don’t know what is.