It’s no surprise to my blog regulars that I have opinions. Lots of them. Particularly when it comes to celebrities who are far more interesting, attractive, and genetically gifted than I’ll ever be, wearing dresses that cost more than my house and car combined. Still, I find it my duty to critique their red carpet ensembles as if they actually know I exist. (And, you know, value my opinion.)
Delusional? Possibly. But I guarantee if more A-listers read my reviews, they’d less likely to end up on the worst dressed list.
Yeah. Definitely delusional. But I’ve never let distortions of grandeur stop me–and I’m certainly not going to start now!
Without further ado….
The 2015 Golden Globes smack-down, A-M
A is for Ab cleavage
Not only does she manage to look incredibly sexy while still maintaining her class and elegance — she does it in a gown that feels totally unique and fashion-forward.
(Side note: I’m officially doing more crunches this week.)
B is for Beading
The detailing on this gown is gorgeous, and Chrissy pulls it off by keeping the silhouette simple, and rocking a messy (yet incredibly chic) ponytail. I would totally purchase this if I had something to wear it to. (And…you know…and extra 40K just lying around.)
C is for Confusion
That is how I feel when I look at this dress.
Is it just me, or does this look like something she pulled out of a child’s dress-up trunk? How tragic that she wasted such a splendid pair of shoes on this…er…outfit.
D is for Different
I love Lupita for consistently taking risks and pulling them off. This unique ensemble is flattering, interesting and just a little bit daring. The color is divine, and she lets the gown shine by keeping her hair, makeup and accessories super simple. One of my favorites of the night.
E is for Emma
Someone finally wore a jumpsuit on the red carpet and actually rocked it.
Everything about this is exactly right. I have no idea what that big sash thing is all about…but I adore it, nonetheless.
F is for Fly fishing lures
I’m sorry…but that is exactly what Kiera’s
frock nightgown looks like it’s covered in. And here I was convinced that a girl could never go wrong with Chanel…
G is for goddess
Love how effortlessly etherial she looks. The gown is simple — but tailored to perfection — and the pop of turquoise is lovely. I do think her hair falls a little flat. I get the braided, slightly tousled look they were going for — I just don’t think the execution was as successful as it could have been. But, her accent is just so darn cute, I suppose I’ll allow it.
H is for How old is she?!
Stunning. Did you know she is 69? 69?!?! I hope to God I look that good when I’m her age. Heck…I hope to God I look that good when I’m 40!
I is for Individuality
I’d never even heard of Conchita Wurst was before last night. While initially baffled by her look, I soon grew to love it after reading two articles (1 & 2) about her. Who knew a bearded lady could be so fabulous? (Also…doesn’t she look strikingly similar to Kim Kardashian?)
J is for J-Lo
If anyone can rock a sequined evening cape, it’s this mama. Fabulous from head to toe, and with a killer manicure. I’d normally scoff at her Elvira hair…but she somehow manages to make it look amazing. Jennifer just keeps getting better with age — it must have something to do with all those twenty-something backup dancers she keeps in her boy toy rotation.
K is for KILLING it!
And the award for best-dressed goes to…..
….this girl I had to Google because I’d never seen her before! (I soon learned she stars in The Affair on Showtime.)
That color! The neckline! Her hair (which I’m totally copying once I grow some balls)! That bold red lip! I can’t think of one thing I would change…she is heaven manifested in a cobalt blue dress.
L is for Let’s not wear that one again…mmmkay?
Does anyone else feel as if she’s channeling an incredibly awkward swan?
M is for Mrs. Channing Tatum
I’ve gotta give it to Jenna — she looks magnificent. The flowing shape and sunny color are perfect compliments to her shape and skin tone. I love the elegantly undone hair and minimal jewelry. Now if only her hubby had won an award for Foxcatcher. (Seriously…watch that movie. My faith in Channing’s acting skill was totally renewed.)
Not to worry snarky red-carpet critics — we’re only halfway through! Check back tomorrow for the
stunning sarcastic conclusion.