Remember the night I accidentally punched a stranger in the face at my friend’s UFC fight?
Well, I forgot to mention that I also sort of became BFFs with a super famous comedian the night before. Doug Benson, to be exact.Photo by Jason DeFillippo
I instantly recognized him when he walked into the elevator of our hotel as we’d seen him perform live in Las Vegas last year. (And also because Scott immediately proclaimed “Doug Benson!” as if he were running into an old friend.)
Either way, we struck up a conversation with Doug, explaining that we were in town to watch our friend Ben defend his UFC title the following night. We almost made mention of the fact that we were on our way to purchase tickets to the comedy show he was featured in that evening. Doug was totally cool and extremely personable — but really, would you expect anything less of my new BFF?
Five hours later, we found ourselves sitting in the very back row of Denver’s paramount theater waiting for the first comedian to take the stage. I may have forgotten that wine doesn’t count as a food group even if it is made from grapes, so I don’t actually remember much of the show, aside from a really hilarious cheeseburger reference somebody made. I do remember leaving the theater and spending a good hour outside hobnobbing with the half a dozen A-list comedians who had been featured in the show. Unfortunately, we don’t have any photos as both Scott and I refuse to ask anyone famous for pictures or autographs. Partly because we don’t want to annoy anyone, and mostly because for some odd reason, we feel we are “above” it.
Yet we are most certainly not ”above” talking someone’s ear off for a good twenty minutes while they desperately try to escape the grasps of our chattering.
Doug Benson fell victim to this when he made the mistake of seeing us and saying, “Hey! You’re the people from the elevator!”
For the next fifteen minutes, Scott tried to get Doug to remember the time they had performed together at a comedy club back in Seattle. I eventually cut him off by telling him how much we enjoyed seeing him headline at the Louis Armstrong theater in Las Vegas.
“You mean Louis Anderson?” Doug replied.
I think this is the point where I ran off for more wine.
The following morning, I decided to pay the gym in our hotel a little visit.
Apparently, Doug Benson had the exact same idea.
I was about five minutes into my weight lifting routine when he walked into the exercise room. A sly grin spread across my face — Scott was going to be so jealous. Instantly, I stood a little taller and decided to select heavier weights in order to impress Doug. Sure, he was pedaling away on a recumbent bike facing the opposite direction of me, but it didn’t matter if he could see me or not. Somehow, through his magical Super High Me comedian powers, Doug Benson would just know I was lifting heavier weights. So dazzled by my strength and general bad-assery, he would obviously endorse my blog, take me on tour with him, and buy me lots and lots of really expensive handbags.
After thirty minutes of heavy lifting, I decided Doug probably needed a little more convincing. It is for this reason that I decided to run three miles on the treadmill.
The treadmill that was directly next to his recumbent bike.
The fact that there were six other empty treadmills to choose from may have made this a tad bit creepy.
And if that didn’t freak him out, my decision to turn and face him at mile 1.3, smiling and waving while desperately panting for air definitely created some cause for concern.
(Looking back on this, I think I probably looked similar to an overly enthusiastic Golden Retriever, panting heavily while chasing a squirrel. Just to clarify, that’s not what I was going for.)
Needless to say, I think the blog endorsement is out. Probably the handbags, too.
But at least I didn’t lower myself to asking for a photo with him, right?
I must admit, it was the best workout I’ve had in a long time. It’s amazing how much harder you push yourself when you’ve falsely assumed a celebrity is watching you. That’s why I’m trying to save my money up so I can hire Doug Benson to stand in the gym and watch me workout on a bi-weekly basis. I think it’s the only way I’m ever going to achieve that elusive six-pack.
What? He’s a really good motivator, you guys.