As of Tuesday night, I had a whopping 375 followers on Twitter.
While I realize my following is comparatively microscopic, I was pleased to see the number steadily growing–just a few months ago, I had fewer than 100 followers. This slow but consistent progress made me proud.
And then I got greedy.
I was soooo close to the big 400. Perhaps I could give the internet a little nudge that would push me over the edge? I only needed 25 new followers, after all.
And so, my tweet of desperation was born:
What happened next was unexpected, yet not unwelcome.
Basically, my good friend (and UFC champion) Benson “Smooth” Henderson would retweeted my request to all 72,459 of his followers. Within about ten minutes, I had 96 new Twitter minions, bringing my grand total up to 471.
Almost instantly, the requests for the photo came pouring in.
This created somewhat of a problem.
I never actually specified who the embarrassing photo would feature. In fact, the image I had planned on using was a picture of Scott on New Year’s Eve. While I don’t think it’s quite appropriate to share on a family blog such as this one, I will say that it involved a Speedo, top hat, bow tie, and strategically placed jacuzzi jet.
While Scott and I find the snapshot totally hilarious, something told me 96 male UFC fans were the wrong demographic to unleash such a flamboyant display of spandex swimwear on.
Being as I didn’t want to upset nearly 100 dudes that could quite literally bench press my body with a only their left arm, I frantically began searching for a new photo.
Ultimately, I snagged this image from my blog about the time my forehead attacked me right before a celebrity wedding.
While I’m sure none of my new MMA friends were jumping for joy at the sight of my skin crisis, I only lost two followers, and I don’t think anyone was offended by the photo.
Well, except for one person.
I really wanted to direct message him the Speedo photo of Scott to prove that I do in fact have a man, thank you very much. Sure, he’s a man who wears black tie accessories into a hot tub, but he still totally counts. I would then politely explain that perhaps taking pictures of my pimples and posting them on the Twitter is my hobby.
Yet somehow, I was able to practice restraint. But only because engaging in a Twitter war with a complete stranger over an eyebrow pimple photo is never classy.
And truly, when you’re desperately using photos of your acne to lure in new Twitter followers, it’s all about staying classy.