Hurricane Katrina storms Hawaii: Part 1

Hurricane Katrina storms Hawaii: Part 1 8

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It’s been a long time since I’ve thrown a good ol’ fashioned tantrum. Naturally, my inner-two-year-old decided to rear her stubborn head while in Maui last week.

Some of you may recall the following photo from my Instagram feed.

shoppingIt’s caption?

“While the husband’s away at the conference, the wife will shop!”

My Shops at Wailea spree began innocently enough. I picked up a beach hat for myself, a few tank tops Scott had requested, and some mac nut swag for the Meme the Taylors giveaway. Yet with all my retail errands complete, I still had twenty minutes to spare before it was time to go pick up Scott. This is where I got into trouble.

shopping2

 

A brief Tiffany’s walk-through not only killed time–it kind of killed my bank account. Within ten minutes, I was exiting the premises with this little bauble in tow.

necklaceMy shopping high adding a spring to my step, I pranced towards our rental vehicle, tossed my treasures in the backseat, and set out to pick up Scott from his conference. When we returned to our rental condo twenty minutes later, Scott spotted “the bag”.

“Katrina?!?! Tiffany’s? Really?

“Ooh, let me show it to you!” I squealed with glee, “You’re going to love it.”

“How much.” He demanded sternly.

“Ooh, look! There’s a mongoose outside!” I chirped, hoping to change the subject.

It didn’t work. Scott swiped the baggie from my hand, fumbling through its contents until he located the creamy cardstock envelope containing the receipt.

Three hundred and fifty dollars?!?!

“I know, I know…but I’m going to wear it every single day. It will practically pay for itself! It’s going to replace my rhino.”

“You love your rhino,” Scott contested, “Why would you even consider replacing him?”

“He’s only vintage Avon,” I explained, “It was time for an upgrade.”

“I can’t believe you just strutted into Tiffany’s and bought yourself a $350 necklace.” Scott muttered while shaking his head slowly in disbelief.

“Maybe it’s because you never buy  me stuff like this.” I hinted icily.

“Katrina,” Scott spoke slowly, “I want you to think about something. Maybe the reason I never buy you stuff like that is because you run off and get it for yourself before I even have the chance.”

Hmm. He kind of had a point.

“Plus,” he added, “This trip has already cost us a fortune.”

“Exactly! You wouldn’t want to spend all that cash on a trip and then have me leave without something to remember it by, would you?” I asked softly while subtly batting my eyelashes.

“Katrina….do you have something stuck in your eye?”

“Er…uh…yeah. Stupid sand.” I lied. Apparently my charming eyelash flutters need some work.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Scott spoke calmly, “This type of spending is exactly why we can’t afford a sauna in the backyard or those solar panels for our roof.”

“Okay,” I challenged, “Now you’re being ridiculous. I don’t even want a solar-powered house! I want a Tiffany’s necklace as a memento of this amazing vacation!”

“Our photos and memories will be plenty.” Scott urged. “There’s a conference welcome dinner tonight down the street from the shops. We’ll get there a little early so we have time to go to Tiffany’s and get our money back.”

I let out a defeated sigh, and nodded slowly.

And then, being the mature, rational wife that I am, I hid the necklace.

*****

To be continued…

UPDATE: You can read part two here. (Just please, please don’t judge me.)

 

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It’s not easy being green

It’s not easy being green 6

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I know, I know…the Grammy’s were this past weekend and I’m just now writing up my review of the SAG Awards red carpet. These are the type of scheduling snafus that occur when you put your life on hold for a week to go lay in the sun and possibly get melanoma.

In the interest of playing catch-up, I’ll keep my review short and sweet…and green.

 

Three starlets who made me green with envy

Lupita Nyong’o in Gucci 

lupitaCould she be any more gorgeous? Once again, Lupita is my hands-down favorite of the night. The color is lovely, and her skin is glowing. I even love her flat top hair and obnoxiously bright eyeshadow–there’s not a lot of girls who can pull that off.

And can we talk about that neckline?!? Stunning. Like…belongs in an art museum stunning. Nicely done, Gucci.

Sophia Vergara in Donna Karan Atelier and Amy Adams in Antonio Berardi

sophia-amy

In the spirit of sticking with three in each category, I’m combining these MILFs into one. Vergadams? Sophiamy? Whatever their celebrity hybrid name may be, I’m beyond jealous of these two sexy mamas.

Anna Gunn, designer unknown

anna

Stunning, statuesque, and the perfect shade of spray tan. Eat your heart out, Walter White.

Three starlets who made me green with nausea

Cate Blanchett in Givenchy

cate

Don’t you just hate when celebs fall for the old “it’s a bib  — with sequins!” gimmick?

Kerry Washington in Prada

kerry-washington

Yes, baring your midriff while with child certainly takes balls..but so does swimming in a bathing suit made of meat while surrounded by piranhas. Point? Just because it’s gutsy doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. While Kerry is glowing and the color combo is adorable, this is not cute. (Although it’s at least better than a meat bathing suit.)

Emma Thompson, designer unknown

emma

Huh?????

(At least she kept with the theme of the night be selecting a gown with a half-drawn theater curtain hemline.)

Three starlets who made me green with confusion.

(If one can even be green with confusion? Whatever…I’m rolling with it.)

 

Camila Alves in Donna Karan Atelier

camilla

Does this dress remind anyone else of melting earwax? Is it weird that I still kind of like it? But also don’t?

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture

j-law 

Homegirl’s body is rockin’…but I can help but mention that gown looks strikingly similar to the tiny RGB lights in an old-school television screen.

Natalie Dormer in half her hair

natalie

 Margaery Tyrell shaved her head?!? What will Joffrey think? Is she going to wear a wig during filming?!? How will the seven kingdoms continue when ruled by a side-skullet queen?!

Processing the implications of this makes my brain hurt.

*******

Who donned your fave red carpet looks at the SAGs? Am I the only one who thinks the prenatal midriff trend is totally cray? And can someone please explain to me why Brad Pitt and Natalie Dormer now have the same haircut? I’m utterly perplexed.

 

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Confessions of an Instagram Abuser

Confessions of an Instagram Abuser 7

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Hello. My name is Katrina, and I’m an Instagram whore. Particularly when I go on vacation.

It all started when I set out to win the Tone It Up #BikiniSeries competition last spring. Contest applicants were required to check in via IG daily with workouts, healthy activities, and fit meals in order to win the beach getaway of their dreams, not to mention a pretty awesome swag bag. Free trip down under? A bag full of sea salt spray from Victoria’s Secret? This, my friends, was the genesis of my obsessive photo sharing.

Wouldn’t you know, my constant gramming paid off —  my TIU partner and I actually won the competition, and a highly coveted trip to Australia. (And the sea salt spray…which was sadly underwhelming, but who am I to complain?) That was all the positive reinforcement I needed to continue publishing my snapshots with obnoxious frequency. “If three pics a day can win me a trip to Australia, what could even more grams get me?”, I thought.

Then came the actual trip to Australia. We were asked to share all our adventures on IG using the hashtag #TIUGirlsTrip in order to promote Tone It Up and Contiki Vacations — the sponsor of our trip. I must have shared 200 photos over the course of two weeks. (And lost at least a dozen annoyed followers in the process. Apparently, not everyone enjoys being bombarded with wallaby photos.)

You can see how over the past few months, my Instagram behavior has been fed, morphing into an asinine collection of photos that only I care about. Our vacation to Hawaii this past week was no exception. There are currently sixty-seven vacation photos mucking up the feed of anyone who happens to follow me. That’s 9.5 grams per day! Not only was I super annoying with pictures of gourmet food, breathtaking beaches, and a variety of other things that may have been interpreted as Instabragging–I had the nerve to create the most obnoxious hashtag in the history of hashtags:

instagram

(I know, I know…feel free to roll your eyes while simultaneously gagging.)

I sincerely apologize to anyone who felt irritated by my barrage of “look where I am!” photos. If it makes you feel any better, I’m currently experiencing negative sixteen degree weather and my pants don’t fit. We also spent three hours shoveling snow last night in order to get our car into the garage.

Still annoyed? Allow me to explain the reason behind my Instagram overload. In addition to easily organizing our travel pics, social media is a fantastic way to have an epic vacation without actually doing any planning. Scott and I set off for Maui with zero–and I do mean zero–itinerary. A few days before, I posted this photo, with a caption explaining we would be traveling to Maui in a few days.

headband

And just like that, the travel tips started rolling in. So I kept posting. And posting. And posting. Due to a wealth of Instagram advice, Scott and I experienced the following:

  • Roadtripping the Road to Hana.
  • Our first black sand beach.
  • Dinner at the infamous Mama’s Fish House <—- Warning: If you open this link, obnoxious music will play
  • Hiking the Haleakala Crater to see the sunrise.
  • A secret hike to Twin Falls, where we swam in stunning waterfall pools.
  • A trip to the seven sacred pools, where we did more swimming and cliff diving.
  • The best mac nut pancakes in the history of mac nut pancakes at The Gazebo.
  • A visit to the Grand Wailea. (Trust me…grand is an understatement!)
  • A drive around the entire perimeter of the island.
  • Free whale watching on the north coast.
  • A visit to an organic lavendar farm.
  • A massage at an absolutely incredible spa.
  • Snorkeling and turtle watching cruise to Molokini.
  • The. Best. Thai. Food. Ever.

Researching before we arrived? Nah. We just showed up, and took the advice of my Instagram friends. Our seven days in Maui is one of the best trips we’ve ever taken together. We saw the entire island, squeezed in several adventures, and still had time to kick back and relax. All of this, without even a hint of planning.

So…the next time you see me taking over your feed with braggadocio iPhone pics, remember I’m fishing for travel tips, not compliments.

(Alright fine…that last statement is about half true.)

*****

HUGE thanks to everyone who shared their travel tips–we absolutely loved every place you sent us to!

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Scottrina does Maui

Scottrina does Maui 1

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Aloha!

I’m writing this post from beautiful Hawaii–Scott’s attending a conference here, so we took the opportunity to escape blustery Minnesota for a week in Paradise.

(Anyone else find it extremely ironic that someone chose to hold a skin cancer conference in Maui?)

In true island style, I’m taking the week off from the old blog. I’ll be back next week with even snarkier musings that usual as I’ll be sunburned, freezing cold and in a general state of crankiness. Then there’s the three-day juice cleanse I’m planning on tackling in hopes if undoing a week’s worth of Mai Tais and macadamia nuts. The silver lining? I wrote my best posts when I’m hangry.

Before I go, allow me to announce the winner if my Meme the Taylors giveaway. Congratulations, Mike. Your comparison of the random jellyfish to my beloved Chelada had me in stitches. Expect some Hawaiian goodies coming your way soon!

Alright. Enough with typing blog posts on my phone while Scott watches Dexter without me. I’m off to go pass out on the beach and suck in my stomach for some Instagram photos. You know you want to follow along.

See you next week!

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