One of the best parts of my Us Weekly subscription is having the opportunity to take a peek inside rich people’s designer handbags once every seven days.
Alright…that’s a lie. I usually skip over this page and head straight for the section filled with photos of Suri Cruise shopping at Saks in a $5,000 sailor dress.
Priorities, people, Priorities.
Still, I’ve always secretly wanted to have the opportunity to do a cute little write-up about the contents of my handbag. And if you can’t pretend to be a celebrity on your very own blog, then I don’t know where you can! So buckle up, ‘Sota readers. I’m sharing the completely unedited (not to mention slightly underwhelming) collection of ‘ish I tote around on a day-to-day basis.
Laid out on a calfskin rug, obviously. I be fancy like that.
1. My trusty coach wallet
This was the first “nice” wallet I ever purchased. I was a poor graduate student, and didn’t really have the money for it at the time, but was in Vegas and felt compelled to buy something totally indulgent. Little did I know it would be one of my most practical investments to date! Five years later, I’m still rocking the wallet and have no plans to replace it. (A true anomaly for this shopaholic!) While the style I chose is no longer carried in stores, this version is quite similar.
2. Sixteen tubes of lipstick
I think this means I have a problem…right?
3. Doggie poop bags
Because you never know when Jolie’s gonna drop it like it’s hot in the middle of someone’s carefully manicured lawn. (Or when I’ll spontaneously need to toss my cookies in the back of someone’s car.)
4. Versace sunglasses
One night, I was seated in the front row of a New York City comedy club when John Mayer decided to show up for an impromptu set. While I love John’s music, his ten minutes on-stage may have been the worst attempt at stand-up I’ve seen in my entire life. (Picture really snobby gripes about being ‘above’ dating someone who worked at The Olive Garden.) To be fair, he did have one redeeming joke:
“When I get into heaven, I better get all my sunglasses back.”
I could totally relate as I had a serious problem with misplacing my sunglasses.
Needless to say, biting the bullet in investing in a pair of designer shades seemed a little bit risky. Yet Scott had a theory that if they were a really nice pair–complete with a fancy case, of course–I might be able to hang onto them for more than a couple of months.
As is typically the case, Scott was right. (Normally I hate when that happens…but if him being right means I get designer sunglasses, I’ll find a way to manage.)
5. Ray-Ban sunglasses
In an attempt to transform into a hipster, I decided these Oversized Ray-Ban Wayfarers were a complete essential. (You can read the story behind them, here.) What started out as an impulse buy quickly became on of my best purchases of the year. I wear these everywhere, and love them so much, I’m finally ready to part with my Versace sunglasses. Anyone interested? I’ll sell them to you for a great price! And I’ll give you an extra discount as they did fall in a gas station toilet that one time…
No…I’m not slowly turning into a grandma who stockpiles tissue and Werther’s originals for a rainy day. These are leftover from my horrific sinus infection and I’ve been too lazy to toss them out.
7. Starbucks VIA
Reserved for caffiene emergencies. (Which happen more often than I’d like to admit.)
8. Express Coupons
Reserved for shopping emergencies. (Which happen even more frequently than caffeine emergencies.)
9. Orbitz Gum
This is less about my quest for fresh breath and more about having something to shove in my mouth at a restaurant before I end up eating my weight in cheesecake. For some reason, I’ve always been loyal to the Orbitz brand. Need proof?
10. Scott’s empty contact lens package
I’m truly shocked there wasn’t more of Scott’s crap lurking in my handbag when I emptied it out last night. I swear, the man has never heard of pockets, and begs me to tow around all of his stray belongings. The worst is when we go shopping, and he declines any sort of plastic bag in an effort to save the environment, which leaves me shoving three t-shirts from H&M into my handbag. Not only does it make the purse bulky and cumbersome…I suddenly appear to be a shoplifter.
With a Louis Vuitton bag.
It’s like I’m Minnesota’s version of Winona Ryder!