Yesterday, I whined about how the melting snow revealed an extremely unfortunate poop cul-de-sac in my backyard.
But my complaining in regards to our winter thaw are far from done. I have yet to complain about our 20-yard driveway.
(Twenty yards is an approximate estimate as I have no depth perception/inherent measuring skills. Regardless of my ballpark figure’s accuracy, just know that our driveway is really freaking long.)
It’s also, in my humble opinion, the most difficult driveway to back out of in all of Minnesota. Even in good conditions. The “gravel runway” leading to our garage initially appears straight…but is in fact quite crooked. It also slopes up to meet the adjoining dirt road. This has been the source of great agony for myself and the Corolla over the past three months.
Our tiny Toyota has found itself stuck in the snowy drifts of our driveway more times than I care to admit. On the bright side, in no less than twelve months I’ve gone from a girl who doesn’t own a snow shovel and has no idea how to dig a car out, to a tire digging madwoman who eats snowdrifts for breakfast.
But that doesn’t mean I enjoy the process.
Needless to say, I was jumping for joy as the snow in our driveway slowly turned to slush. No more embarrassing shoveling while the neighbors look on, shaking their heads in disgust at the fact that you still haven’t purchased a snow plow.
(Or so I thought.)
Little did I know that getting out of the driveway in melting snow is actually worse than getting out of the driveway in regular snow. Watch this video, and you’ll see what I mean.
Unfortunately, I mistakenly cut the video about ten seconds short, which means you only witnessed 2/3 of the havoc wreaked on our
driveway yard. But what I’m lacking in video footage, I’ll make up for with a snarky bulleted list of what exactly went wrong during my two hour battle with the slush.
- I tried to pull out backwards and forwards, both with no luck.
- I got stuck approximately ten different times.
- I FaceTimed Scott and started swearing.
- I hit a tree.
- I was forced to dig up half a dozen tulip bulbs that had the misfortune of being stuck under my front driver’s side tire.
- I FaceTimed Scott and started crying.
- I gave my very best puppy eyes to a neighbor driving by, hoping they would feel sorry for me and come help with my efforts. (They didn’t.)
- My hands started bleeding due to a nasty snow shovel callous.
- The neighbor’s German Shepherd (yes….the same one responsible for all the poop) taunted me the entire time.
- The copious amounts of sweat dripping from my head ruined my blowout.
- I FaceTimed Scott and started laughing. (While crying.) (And sweating.)
- I finally got the car out of the driveway. (Without running into the German Shepherd, thankfully.)
- I blasted the radio as I pulled out onto a slush-free paved road. “This Is How We Do It” resounded through the cabin of the Corolla. All was right with the world.
P.S. It’s supposed to snow again today. If I have to go through this again, I might dig up the rest of our tulips on purpose out of sheer spite and rage.
P.P.S. I really love our neighbors. And their dog. In other words…there are no hard feelings about the poop.