I have something important to share, and I really need to you not freak out on me, okay?
I’m going on a juice cleanse.
Yeah. I know what you’re thinking…
“But, Katrina…isn’t juicing for vegan hippies who don’t believe in shaving their legs or wearing eyeliner?”
Not anymore! Shaved my legs last night and am wearing eyeliner as we speak. Here’s to breaking juice stereotypes!
“Hold on…didn’t you just lose a lot of weight? Why do you need to do a juice cleanse?”
The goal of this cleanse is a total body detox, not weight loss. I’ll be
eating drinking 6 juices a day — two veggie juices, three fruit juices, and a homemade cashew milk full of healthy fat and other good stuff.
(Wow…can’t believe I just typed the phrase ‘homemade cashew milk’ in a non-sarcastic way.)
This particular cleanse will have me ingesting 1,200 nutrient-packed calories a day. Yes, 1,200 calories is less than I usually eat…but it’s only for three days. It’s no secret that I’ve been shoving my pie hole with processed crap for the last month or so. This cleanse is a plant-based recharge to get me back on the clean-eating train. (I’m also hoping it might boost my immune system so I can beat a nasty sinus bug I’ve been battling.)
“Wait…you’re not doing that super-expensive BluePrint 3-day cleanse that I’ve heard all these other bloggers talking about, are you?”
Yes. Yes, I am.
I read their book and it convinced me the cleanse, while certainly “trendy”, actually has some legitimate health benefits.
(AKA, I totally fell for it.)
“Katrina!!! WTF happened to your spending diet?”
Not to worry — the spending diet is still going strong! Although I must admit, I was this close to dropping $200 on the pre-made juices BluePrint will ship to you overnight. The little devil on my shoulder kept saying, “C’mon, Katrina! Life simply isn’t worth living if you can’t drop two-hundred bucks on a totally ridiculous juice cleanse every now and again!”
While I totally agree with mini devil’s reasoning, life also won’t be so great if I have to move back in with my parents as I spent our mortgage money on hippie juice. I do want to purchase the cleanse juices directly from BluePrint at some point…but I think we can all agree it’s best to wait until after all our fabulous new furniture has been paid off.
Luckily, the book I purchased includes all the recipes to make the juices at home. We’ve already got about half of the ingredients needed, and buying fresh produce at the local grocery store is still within the constraints of the spending diet. As an added bonus, Scott’s dad has a brand-new juicer he’s letting me borrow for the week. Hooray for juicing that doesn’t end in bankruptcy!
“Aren’t you concerned about getting hungry?”
Yup! Perhaps even more concerned would be Scott, as he has to live with me during this 72-hour ordeal.
On the other hand, I’m no stranger to crash diets (I even had an eating disorder back in the day) and six giant juices a day is a lot more food than I’ve consumed in past endeavors, so I’m sure it will be fiiiiine.
(Famous last words.)
“So…are you gonna let us know how it goes?”
Ummmm…duh. Have you ever known me to not take something as mundane and insignificant as what I’m eating and turn it into an epic, 3,000 word drama for this very blog? I’m even considering…wait for it…video documentation!
The cleanse starts tomorrow, and I’m super excited/scared out of my mind. Luckily I’m doing it with a friend — the added moral support/shared suffering should make things slightly more tolerable. Plus, if worse comes to worse we can just sit on the sofa watching Orange is the New Black and be “hangry” together.
But if we stop shaving our legs/wearing eyeliner, please intervene, okay?