In the spirit of keeping it real, let me forewarn you that this is not a “real” post.
You see, I don’t have time for a real post today, as my kitchen looks like this.
Usually, our kitchen is spotless. In fact, as we were leaving for Minneapolis to stay with some friends this Saturday, it was spotless. Until a mere thirty minutes before we were scheduled to depart, at which point Scott declared a state of coleslaw emergency and ran out the door in the direction of the grocery store.
Scott’s last-minute Asian slaw set us behind by 45-minutes, and there was no way I was going all FEMA on this kitchen disaster zone and making us even more late than we already were. Hence, the current state of our kitchen.
(And yes, apparently coleslaw emergencies are totally a real thing.)
In lieu of a typical post, I’ve decided to leave you with my most recently discovered YouTube gem. The friends we stayed with showed it to us, and I must say, it has already had a truly profound effect on me–by which I mean it made me laugh so hard I snorted. I almost peed, but being as we were the company, I didn’t want to ruin someone else’s upholstery. That’s almost worse than being late or showing up without coleslaw.
(For those who might not be familiar, this is the actual “Safety Dance” music video…they’ve simply replaced the original lyrics with “literal” ones.)
The night that we watched this, I actually dreamt about the midget from the video. My friend Lindsay was getting married, and it was my job to play a series of mystic sounding chimes before he danced down the aisle. I think he was supposed to be some sort of a makeshift flower girl, which is actually a pretty awesome idea, so you should all pin this post to your wedding inspiration board on Pinterest immediately. I won’t even be mad that you stole my idea because, truly, I’m a giver.
Although, when everyone you know keeps telling you that “Dancing midget flower men are the new unity candles.” I do hope you think of me, if only for a brief moment.
Anyway, when it was time for the midget to begin his procession, I couldn’t find the chimes anywhere. Someone handed me a pair of wooden drumsticks instead, and I used them to pound rapidly on the church pew I was standing behind as a substitute sound effect.
It basically ruined the wedding and everyone in attendance wanted to burn me at the stake using the flame from the unity candle.
I woke up in a cold sweat, panicking that I had ruined the most important day of Lindsay’s life, and quite possibly the midget’s as well. It was awful. In fact, I imagine my symptoms were similar to what someone feels when they experience a coleslaw emergency, although I can’t really be sure as I’m not very skilled at making salads, and honestly don’t care for cabbage all that much in the first place.
See? Told you this wasn’t a real post.