Underwear is the secret to happiness ³

This Sunday, my Mom turns 53.

Anyone who knows me understands how close I am with Mama Leslie. We’re essentially the same exact person with a 25-year age gap. Honestly, the only differences I can think of are that she knows how to play the piano, I’m more frivolous with my money, and she exercises significantly more patience. Other than that, we’re two peas in a pod.  Mom and I have the same strengths, same weakness, same dreams…even the same voice! Despite being halfway across the country, I feel like Mom’s right next door as we talk on the phone at least once a day.

We’re cut from the same cloth. (And it’s totally covered in sequins.)

So…when Leslie’s birthday rolls around, I like to do something extra special. This year I had something extravagant in mind. Possibly a designer handbag or luxurious pair of heels? Yet well aware that I’m not always the most practical gift giver, I decided it would probably be best to call Mama Leslie beforehand and see what she wanted.

Her response?

Underwear.

After getting over the initial disappointment, I realized underwear was something I could totally work with. Granny panties can be incredibly fabulous! Being that Mom is conservative with her finances, I knew she would never in a million years splurge for a fancy pair of drawers on her own. Slowly but surely, my excitement grew as I browsed the Victoria Secret website for the fanciest Mom-undies money could buy. Ten pairs later, I was feeling pretty solid about this birthday gift. Afterall, life’s far too short to walk around wearing dowdy underwear.

A few days ago, the package arrived in the mail. Mom immediately called me, thanking me profusely for picking out something so nice. “I can’t believe I finally have something other than Fruit of the Loom!” she exclaimed.

Mission accomplished.

(Hours later, I received a second call from my sister: ”Katrina,” she giggled “Mom is so excited about that underwear! It’s kind of the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!  Who knew a nice pair of undies could be such a source of joy?”)

*****

Fast forward to last night, when I noticed my favorite snuggle pooch in all the land was looking a bit…well…depressed.

“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll just chase squirrels.”

Typically, I cheer this Triznatch up with a treat from the pantry, or a romp around the living room with her stuffed toy shark. But I couldn’t seem to find “Sharky”, and she’d already well exceeded her daily snack limit. Suddenly, I remembered Mom’s birthday gift and it came to me — Jolie’s despondence was most likely due to the fact that she doesn’t have any good underwear! (I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner. It’s, like, painfully obvious.)

I didn’t have anything handy that would accommodate a tail, so I decided a surprise from the brassiere department was probably the wisest choice. After a few minutes of scrounging, I was able to locate a piece that fits Jolie’s snuggling lifestyle, without inhibiting belly rubs or her constant desire to roll over. Without further ado, I give you Jolie’s first sports bra:

As you can see, the bra’s mood-boosting effects were nearly instantaneous. As an added perk, her fancy new lady-wear doubles as a breathable, sweat wicking neck pillow.

“If only they made one with six cups instead of two…”

If these two stories don’t prove a direct correlation between nice  underwear and a more positive outlook on life, I don’t know what does.

Also…I’m kind of considering changing my title from “Web Designer & Blogger” to “Underpants Fairy Godmother”. That would certainly add some spice to my LinkedIn Profile, don’t you think?

******

Psst! Episode 6 of Long Story Short is live…listen here!

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Nuggets of clarity ¹

Day 18 of January Blog a Day: Advice

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It’s no secret I like to bestow my advice upon others.

In fact, some of you may remember the June afternoon when I decided to turn this very blog into a makeshift search engine advice column.

While I’m certainly not a professional advice columnist, I do find a great deal of satisfaction in providing nuggets of clarity to the lost souls of the Internet who in one final act of desperation, have turned to Google for guidance. (Translation: I like to look up the questions people searched for to find this blog and take it upon myself to answer them.)

And so, on this advice-themed Friday of the #JanBlogADay experiment, I have selected ten questions that simply need to be answered.

1. “If I’m a few hours late on my oral typhoid pill, will that be ok?” (9 searches)

When I traveled to Ecuador earlier this Spring, I was twelve hours late with my final Typhoid pill. Upon calling the nurse at the travel clinic for help, I was informed that I would only have a ten percent chance of contracting Typhoid as a result of my carelessness.

Granted, this was the same nurse who had to ask where Ecuador was and then Google what vaccines I would need (while I was sitting right there!) in order to determine what chemicals she was going to shoot into my arm, so she may not be the most credible source.

(Especially as I later learned you can’t even GET Typhoid in Ecuador.)

2. What’s the strongest medicine for ringworm? (8 searches)

Staying far, far away from my husband.

3. Do Chihuahua’s have pink nipples? (8 searches)

Technically, yes. But I’ve found they prefer when you describe them as “rose-colored”.

4. Are seahorses pretty? (7 searches)

No. But they have nice personalities…?

5. Why are my arms/hands veiny? (12 searches)

Because you’re slowly turning into middle-aged Madonna. (Take it as a compliment.)

6. Should I move to Minnesota? (7 searches)

That depends. How do you feel about casseroles?

7. Where can I find a male breast pumper? (3 searches)

Do you mean a breast pump made for males? Or a man who will pump your breasts for you?

Either way, I’m highly uncomfortable with this question. Might I suggest asking Octomom, instead?

8.  Can hipsters eat pizza? (4 searches)

Quit trying to be a hipster.

(And yes, you can…so long as the pizza is wearing a pair of Ray-Bans or Converses.)

9. Are rhinestoned jeans cool? (9 searches)

Of course not.

(Unless you live in North Dakota.)

(My family is from North Dakota so it’s okay for me to make fun of it.)

(Plus…I almost live in North Dakota.)

(Seriously though–please don’t wear rhinestoned jeans…even if you do live in North Dakota.)

10. Is there a pooping championship belt? (8 searches. Yes…8 individuals actually came to the blog in search of this.)

For the love Pete, I seriously hope not.

(Although if there was, it would hands down go to Jolie.)

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Main photo by MattSullivan

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Twenty-Somethings & Tiaras ¹⁰

Day 6 of January Blog a Day: Embarrassing

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Speaking of embarrassing….I may or may not have actually misspelled the word “embarrassing” in the official #JanBlogADay graphic.

Oops.

(To my credit, Photoshop doesn’t have spellcheck.)

Moving on.

I think we can all agree that when it comes to embarrassing moments, I’m not exactly short on stories. Truly, you could probably change the title of this blog to ‘Sota Is Embarrassing and it would work just as well.

Still, even the queen of humiliating situations has her secrets.

Like the fact that she may have participated in a pageant.

For married women.

At the age of twenty-four.

While I’ve previously mentioned this on the blog, I’ve never gone into great detail or provided photographic evidence.

Yet when I received this text from my friend Jayme last weekend, I knew the time had come to face my spray tan covered demons.

(See? Told you I was addicted to emoticons.) (And apologies to Jayme, who’s name is misspelled in my phone. This is just NOT my week for spelling, apparently.)

This text message served as a catalyst of sorts. It helped me realize I was tired of hiding. Tired of lying. Tired of letting my commemorative plaque sit in the back of the closet for fear of being discovered.

So…here goes nothing.

Hi, my name is Katrina, and I participated in the 2008 Mrs. New York America pageant. No, I’m not mentally unstable–nor do I have daddy issues…I just really like evening gowns.

Nothing says “pretty” quite like a pink business suit with rhinestone buttons. (This suit is now permanently stained from self-tanner, by the way.)

An on-stage interview. Ironically, I got the question about parenting. (At least they didn’t ask me to spell “embarrassing”.)

Mama was in the background yelling “Sparkle, baby!!!!!”

My all-time favorite. (Scott thought this was the most ridiculous thing in the world. I had to literally drag him on stage.)

There was also a swimwear competition, but Scott warned that putting photos of oneself in a bathing suit and high heels online might not be the wisest choice. Something tells me this is good advice.

(Let’s just say my strut down the runway in a swimsuit was a total Beyoncé moment. And not in a fabulous pop diva way…more like a pear-shaped thunder thighs way.)

On the bright side, my child-bearing hips didn’t keep me from securing a spot in the Top 3.

Umm….what is he looking at??

So there you have it. Proof that I tried my best to become the grown-up version of Honey Boo Boo. While it’s certainly not at the top of my resume, being involved in pageants actually provided some valuable life experience. It prompted me to start volunteering, I met several great friends, and finally learned the state bird of New York.

(The Eastern Bluebird.)

(No offense New York, but our Minnesota loon could totally take you in a bird fight.)

This week, I came to a fairly significant revelation. At the end of the day, an embarrassing moment is only embarrassing if you allow it be. And you know what? Letting the Mrs. New York America pageant humiliate me is starting to get exhausting.

And so, five years later, I’m deciding that instead of being ashamed of my pageant past, I’m going to own it.

(Except for the swimsuit photo, that is.)

*******

Main image by  Shelley Panzarella

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Because January can be kinda boring… ¹⁶

So boring in fact, I felt the need to spice things up by busting out the ying yang clip art.

Boo-yah. (You know you want to pin this on Pinterest.)

That’s right…the fabulous Lindsey Talerico and I are teaming up for the link up to end all link ups.

So what exactly is a link up?

I’m so glad you asked! For this particular link up, Lindsey, myself and anyone who wants to join in can post on the topics we’ve designated for the month of January. For example, on January 1st we’ll all be posting about the theme “New”. You could write about your New Year’s Resolution(s), post a video of the new puppy you got for Christmas whom you’ve already trained to do the Gangam style dance, talk about how you hate anything new and only shop at thrift stores, or share a photo of the word “NEW” completely sculpted out of hummus and cheese curds.

(Okay, maybe don’t use that last idea. I don’t want the internet to think you’re weird because of me.)

What I’m trying to say is these topics are extremely open-ended. You can share pretty much anything you want, so long as it somehow ties back to that theme for the day. Once your post is published, you can upload your link on both mine and Lindsey’s corresponding post. A photo thumbnail and link to your post will appear at the bottom of our posts. Need an example? Check out this link up about dreams that Lindsey hosted earlier this year.

Lindsey and I will be posting every day…even on weekends. You can post as much or as little as you want, and are welcome to add posts at later dates if need be. For instance, perhaps you missed the January 17th “things that rhyme” post because you were actually attending a rhyming convention in Rhode Island that day. Not to worry! You could upload your rhyme post once you’ve returned home a few days later. This link party is casual and we appreciate bloggers who are fashionably late!

(Disclaimer: I don’t think there actually is a rhyming convention in Rhode Island. Sorry to disappoint.)

In case you have difficulty reading the graphic above, here are the official topics for each day:

1: New.
2: Two.
3: Bucket list.
4: Pet peeves.
5: Biggest fear.
6: Embarrassment.
7: Shoes.
8: Honesty.
9: Made with love.
10: Memory.
11: Confession(s).
12: Recovery. (This is the anniversary of the Haiti earthquake)
13: Top ten…
14: Food
15: Transportation
16: I would do anything for love…but I won’t do that.
17: Things that rhyme!
18: Advice.
19: Superpowers.
20: Beautiful.
21: Create a mood board.
22: Kids.
23: Dessert.
24: Teachers.
25: el. oh. vee. ee.
26: Winter/Summer
27: Regret.
28: A surprise!
29: Home.
30. Your biggest flaw.
31: Favourite. (Lindsey lives in New Zealand, which means we get to spell “favorite” all fancy! Yay!)

If you do choose to participate, we would love for you to post the banner below on your blog so we can get the word out.

Latrina is the new Brangelina. (Minus the millions of dollars and dozens of babies.)

Because I love me some HTML…I whipped up some code for the banner that you can simply copy and paste into your blog:

BANNER CODE:
<a href="http://www.sotaissexy.com/because-january-can-be-kinda-boring/" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.sotaissexy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/jan-blog-a-day.jpg" border="0"/></a>

Oh…and if you’d rather link to Lindsey’s blog (I promise I won’t be offended) you can use this code:

<a href="http://www.lindseytalerico.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.sotaissexy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/jan-blog-a-day.jpg" border="0"/></>

The link party commences on New Years Day, or as I like to call it, this Tuesday. I hope my ying yang graphic of fabulousness has inspired you to participate, but even if you don’t end up sharing a link, link ups are a great way to find new blogs and make new internet friends.

And with that, I’m off to craft various words that rhyme out of hummus and cheese curds so I can Instagram them.

(Kidding.)

But..uh…only about the cheese curds part…I’m vegan now, remember? My hummus words will have to be dairy-free.

*****

Psst! Today is the LAST DAY to win fabulous Milk Bespoke Photo Book valued at $150! I pity the fool who doesn’t enter to win.

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