My sincerest apologies for playing blog hooky on Friday. A sudden bout of food poisoning meant I was far too sick to work, blog, or even share my new favorite photo — a screenshot from a video of Scott pretending to be a monster.
(He was attempting to frighten Penny. It worked…sort of.)
In hindsight, I think my ailment was the good Lord’s way of keeping me from posting that image all over internet land. Scott is wearing nothing but Calvin Klein briefs in sed photograph, and looks less like he’s harassing a dog and more like he’s…well….I’ll leave that one up to your imagination.
I suppose sometimes food poisoning can be a blessing in disguise.
Since I’m no longer uploading the incriminating screenshot, I suppose I can share a list of my sick day rituals as a poor attempt at a consolation prize.
TOP 10 THINGS I DO WHEN I’M SICK
10. Send Scott overly dramatic text messages detailing the colors of whatever fluids happen to be coming out of me.
9. Diagnose myself with testicular cancer as the result of a paranoid WebMD rampage.
8. Eat cheese. (So long as it’s not a stomach bug…I mean, who knows when the testicular cancer is going to take me? Might as well enjoy the extra lactose while I can.)
7. Lie in bed weeping. I’ll cry out “I wish I was dead!” every hour or so, just to keep things interesting for the neighbors.
6. Allow the dogs to lick the tears from my face–while continuing to verbally wish I was deceased, of course.
5. Rise from bed every four hours to order something off Amazon. It just makes me feel better, okay!?
4. Send Scott overly dramatic photo text messages actually showing him the colors of whatever fluids happen to be coming out of me.
3. Sleep. For some strange reason, there’s usually a dream about Pete Wentz involved.
2. Call my Mom and Dad and make them feel sorry for me.
1. Eat more cheese.
How do you cope when you’re under the weather? Please tell me I’m not the only one that soothes myself with dairy products and a testicular cancer diagnosis. (Although the Pete Wentz thing is probably the most embarrassing, if we’re being honest.)