While you can rest assured that my plotting is still in full swing, I regret to inform you that unforseen circumstances have forced me to delay the big reveal until tomorrow.
And by unforseen circumstances, I mean this:
(I think this is the only thing worse than if I had dropped it in the toilet.)
I think it’s best to start from the beginning. Despite the fact that Scott works in Dermatology, I instantly ignore his acne expertise the minute I see a blemish on his face.
“Scott. You have to let me pop that. Trust me…it’s bad.”
“Katrina. No. You just need to let it be. This is what I do for a living…I think I know the proper course of action.”
Cue me, completely disregarding his advice and going in for the whitehead. Fingernails were used, which resulted in wriggling, yelling, and the iPhone completing a swan dive into the water glass that was so perfectly graceful, I almost suspected it was choreographed.
“OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!” I shrieked in horror.
“Quick! Get it out of there!” Scott screamed.
My reflexes eventually kicked in. After a great deal of wiping, shaking and Scott sucking water from the charger hole as if it were a high-tech straw, it seemed all the water was gone.
“I can’t believe your luck.” Scott oozed sarcastically, “The phone still works.”
“Lemme see!” I yelled while grabbing the device with all the politeness of a 5-year-old girl with a serious case of the ‘gimmes’.
I was shocked to see he was right. The phone did still work. At least for about sixty seconds. Then the touchscreen went out.
A few hours later, we found ourselves at the Apple Genius Bar. I have a pretty solid track record of getting iPhones replaced for free, and my hopes were high. (Although dashed slightly when I realized a female would be helping me, as she might not respond as well to my flirtatious charms.)
That doesn’t mean I didn’t give it the old college try, though.
After a quick introduction, I explained that the my touchscreen had gone out earlier that afternoon.
“Well,” she replied, “The good news is that you’re still well within you’re warranty. If I can’t fix it, we’ll be able to swap you out with a new phone free of charge.”
Cha-ching! Perhaps my charms do transcend the confines of gender, after all!
“Let me just open it up and take a look inside to see if there’s a simple fix I could make before we replace it.”
And just like that, she applied a bizarre looking suction cup contraption to the face of the my phone. Within moments, the white glossy exterior was pried open.
I should also probably mention that approximately three ounces of water came gushing out, squirting directly across the woman’s face as if to taunt her.
(No more cha-ching.)
On the bright side, Scott had the foresight to purchase Apple Care when we purchased our phones last summer. This meant a replacement device only set us back fifty bucks.
On the not so bright side, I don’t think Scott’s ever letting me pop one of his pimples again.