Happy New Year! I hope you all had a blast ringing in 2014 with family, friends, fireworks…and of course…a little bit of bubbly!
I’m currently sitting in the far corner of the SeaTac airport “A” gates, my body still swollen and uncomfortably full from last night’s New Year’s Eve indulgences. Let’s just say there was a moment where I was legitimately afraid my stomach would rupture in my sleep and kill me as a result of being so full. Luckily, being that stuffed means it’s easy to fall asleep really quickly, despite worrying about expiring overnight due to too much crack corn.
That’s right, crack corn. (Named for it’s highly addictive properties.)
While I know today is all about juice cleanses, gym memberships and swearing you’ll never secretly eat an entire fruitcake ever again, I’ve decided to set myself apart from the pack of “new year, new you!” bloggers by sharing a terrifically unhealthy holiday recipe. I’d also like to publicly thank my friend Kaitlin for sharing this oh so simple concoction with me–my life has been forever changed for the better, Kaitlin. (My pants also no longer fit…but it was totally worth it.)
Crack corn requires just two ingredients: Almond bark or vanilla candy coating, and a few bags of puff corn.
How I’ve existed for nearly 30 years without being aware of puff corn is both a mystery and a tragedy. What is puff corn, you ask? Butter flavored Cheet-ohs that taste like greasy, delicious styrofoam. Admittedly, that might not be the most convincing description…but don’t let my words deter you. You should definitely give puff corn a chance.
So how does puff corn become crack corn? Prepare to be inspired….
Melt 24 ounces of almond bark or candy coating in a large pan. The bigger, the better. (If you’ve never melted this stuff before, the key is to do it on super low heat and stir continuously.)
Dump two bags of puff corn–not sure how many ounces they are…but use the medium ones marked ‘$2 only!’–into the pot of melted almond bark and stir until coated. You’ll definitely want to remove the pot from the heat before doing this. (Yup. Learned that one the hard way.)
Once the crack corn is fully coated, pour the contents of the pot onto a large sheet of wax paper to cool and harden. You’ll probably eat half of your yield before it cools, which is completely acceptable. It’s part of the process.
After 20-30 minutes of cooling, transfer the crack corn into a large bowl. You will most likely have to break some large clusters apart while doing so. Or you could just eat the large clusters, even if you have a difficult time fitting them in your mouth as they are so large. Smacking and chewing with your mouth open is encouraged and scientifically proven to enhance the crack corn’s flavor profile.
(This step is not pictured for what I hope to be obvious reasons.)
I hope you enjoy this simply addictive recipe as much as I have over the past two weeks. Whipping up a batch guarantees your taste buds will love you…and your thighs will hate you. And really, isn’t that what the holidays are all about?