Being that I’m at least 78 percent basic white girl, obsessing over all things Autumn is practically in my DNA.
And it’s true — I adore the fall season. Yet as I took the dogs on a brisk evening walk last night, admiring the vivid foliage and breathing in the cool air, I couldn’t help but think of a few aspects of fall that, as my father would say, ‘really frost me’.
Get ready for some pumpkin spiced snakiness.
1 Ugg boots
I’m not quite sure I’ll ever understand why these overly-priced slippers have been popular for the last ten years. While I’m beyond grateful the Ugg boot/Abercrombie jean skirt trend has died, it mystifies me that stylish women of all ages are still wearing these things in public. (Especially tucked into Victoria’s Secret Pink sweatpants. That’s almost as bad as being caught in a pair of cropped gauchos!)
Yes, I understand that they are comfy and warm…but there are dozens of other comfy and warm options that don’t look like brown paper bags stuffed with cotton balls. Why are we dishing out hundreds of dollars a pair to look like 2004 sorority girls? And don’t even get me started on these things in the snow…they are not waterproof, people!
I realize my opinion represents the minority, and if I have offended you (or your love of Uggs), I apologize. This is somewhat a case of the pot calling the kettle black as it pains to me to admit that I own (and regularly wear) a pair of Crocs.
To be fair, they’re a basic essential for those of us who live country, have to escort pets outside in the pouring rain, and must dump the compost bin in the mucky woods every week.
While I would never wear my Crocs in public, I do understand the hypocrisy of my disdain for Uggs. Please feel free to judge me right back.
2 The PSL
I simply have one question:
Why do we celebrate fall with a $6 hot milkshake that has all the nutritional value of…well…a milkshake?
Interestingly enough — science has the answer.
Not only is the Pumpkin Spice Latte overpriced, unhealthy, and quite frankly, overrated–it has the audacity to influence all the other foods we eat! At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if Chipotle hopped on the trend and starting whipping up PSBs.
Pumpkin Spice Burritos. Please don’t do that Chipotle.
Disclaimer: this is another example of my hypocrisy as I used to be all about a good PSL. I still have leftover Pumpin Spice VIA packets in my pantry, which cause me to hate myself everytime I see them menacingly peering out from behind a can of black beans. The worst part is that because they were so ridiculously spendy, I still don’t have the heart to throw them out. (I simply force them on my guests in hopes of getting rid of them and moving on with my life.)
A holiday beverage I can get behind? The eggnog latte. Much less mainstream, but far more delicious. (And higher in fat, calories and sugar, but at least it’s less annoying?)
3 The fall “costume”
While I love me some chilly weather fashion as much as the next girl, when women wear all the cuteness of fall at once, they do appear to be in costume.
Don’t get me wrong…faux fur vests, floppy hats, oversized scarves, tall boots and plaid are all fabulous!
Until someone decides to wear them all together in a single explosion of fashion blogger trends. Particularly when it’s still sixty degrees outside.
This not only makes the rest of us uncomfortable…we also feel strangely obligated to throw leaves in the offender’s general direction each time they walk by to add to their Pinterest-perfect ambiance.
Have I mentioned that feeling obligated to throw leaves is, like, my very least favorite thing?
I hardly ever say this about, well, anything…but in terms of seasonal trends, I’m a firm believer that less is indeed more.
Rant over. Can you tell I’m feeling a bit spicy today? Let’s chalk it up to PMS (Pre-Minnesota winter Syndrome) and take it with a grain of
salt pumpkin spice. I realize I’m hating on things lots of people with fabulous taste love, so I’m prepared for some opposing opinions in the comment section. Fire away…I’ll take cover under the mammoth plaid scarf I’m wearing if things get too nasty.