Fashion

Resort wear for the fashionably retired ⁹

“I kind of look like I bought my outfit at Coldwater Creek…” I mused to my friend Kaitlin while getting ready for our last day in Los Angeles.

“What? No you don’t!” she quickly assured me.

“Chico’s?” I ventured.

“Alright,” she conceded, “Maybe Chico’s.”

It was true. The perfect storm of unforseen circumstances had led me to spend the last day of my vacation clad in an ensemble suited for an elegantly aging baby boomer. While Chico’s and Coldwater Creek are perfectly nice retailers with lots of beautiful pieces, at age 28 I’m several years away from their target demographic.

So how exactly did I age four decades with a single outfit? Allow me to break it down for you…

1. Relaxed Fisherman’s Sweater (in a tasteful shade of cream, naturally)*

There’s nothing I love more than a comfy, casual, loose-fitting sweater. When paired with some dark skinny jeans and beautiful leather boots, it screams ‘effortless chic.’

Unfortunately, when paired with relaxed linen beach pants and straw hat, it instead screams ‘Howard, did you remember to pack the Werther’s Originals?’

*To my credit, I had to wear this as it was too bulky to fit into my bursting-at-the-seams carryon.

2. Linen Beach Pants

I wore these on the plane for two reasons:

They were the only pants I had other than a pair of white jeans that had fallen victim to some bloody mary mix.
They seemed so comfy! Surely it would be like flying in a fabulous pair of pajamas.

Turns out, it was like flying in a pair of pajamas that were about six inches too long. These poor, innocent pants mopped the floors of several airport bathrooms, an In-N-Out Burger, even a questionable gas station. The bottom two inches are currently black and covered in at least fourteen different urine samples.

I picked them up at Diane’s Beachwear not ten minutes after arriving in LA. They were a complete impulse buy, but I had to have them! I mean…there were batik-printed skulls on them! Rest assured than when paired with a skimpy black tank and pair of heels–and free of airport bathroom urine–they’ll much more age appropriate.

3. Straw Cloche Hat

Another item that was too delicate to fit into my luggage. If you’re going to embrace the aging Snowbird look, might as well go all out, right?

4. Marc Jacobs Satchel

This was easily my most ridiculous purchase of the trip. I had grown weary of lugging a heavy tote bag that wasn’t long enough to wear over my shoulder, and declared I would not leave Los Angeles without a practical–yet ever so stylish–crossbody satchel.

After four hours of perusing every store in Santa Barbara for the perfect bag, I grew frustrated. And possibly delirious. When we passed Saks 5th Avenue for the third time I walked in, made a beeline for the bag section, spotted this beauty and yelled “I’ll take it!” It was spontaneous, exhilarating, and took all of three minutes. Ironically, it’s probably one of the most practical investments I’ve made in a long time.

I’m in love with the bag and delighted at how it effortlessly coordinates with my entire wardrobe. Unfortunately, something about the satchel-sweater-linen pants combo says ‘Dinner’s at 5:30? Why so late?’

5. HGTV Magazine

Cosmo for the golden years!

6. Old dude checking me out

Alright…maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part. But can you blame me? If I’m going to spend a day looking like I’m twice my age, I might as well get a Sugar Daddy out of the deal!

Not pictured: Airborne

Because nothing says “I’m this close to collecting my Social Security!” quite like popping three (yes, three) immune-boosting tablets in one flight.

***

There you have it. How to achieve ‘Senior Chic’ with just a few key pieces. It’s frighteningly easy, and as a bonus, you’ll finally be able to take advantage of the 65+ menu at Denny’s. Three dollar waffles? Talk about a win-win!

Liked this? Then try these:

Searching for sexiness

The Incident

The Mom Shorts Saga

Rah! Rah! I’m too old for this! ⁴

It simply wouldn’t be a trip home without trying on my high school cheerleading uniform at 10:30pm.

I had hoped to attempt a good ol’ fashioned high kick…but couldn’t seem locate my bloomers.

What? Both my parents were passed out cold in the other room, and I was bored.

My recent healthy living kick meant the uniform was finally able to zip up once more as it did back in the glory days of 2002. Sure, I doesn’t look quite like it used to, but I still considered it up a victory. In fact, I was so thrilled, I debated wearing the uni during my morning kickboxing workout…for old time’s sake.

Unfortunately, my lack of bloomers also squelched these grandiose plans.

Plus, grown-up Katrina sweats quite a bit more than she did at the tender age of seventeen. The above uniform wasn’t cheap, and ruining it with perspiration would truly be a shame.

Yup. Those were the only things keeping me from doing a Turbo Kick video in my parents living room donning full FPHS regalia at 5:30am this morning.

In case you’ve ever wondered what aging gracefully looks like, it’s definitely not this.

Liked this? Then try these:

We put the "us" in "fungus"

I'm alive

Gone Seattle-ing

Best Summer Ever (According to me) ⁸

Here in the upper Midwest, we’ve completely bypassed the phenomenon known as “spring”. Just a few short weeks ago we were experiencing below freezing temps and blizzard-like conditions. Fast forward to present day, where it’s 90 degrees and the A.C. is on full blast. But I’m not complaining! Summer is my favorite season, and as long as I don’t have to wrap myself in a parka when leaving the apartment, I’m a happy camper.

Speaking of happy, a few friends and I have vowed to make 2013 the year of the best summer ever. We’re kickstarting the warmer months with a California getaway, and plan on carrying the momentum of ‘fun’ with us all the way through September. But experiencing the best summer ever doesn’t just happen…there’s planning involved!

(And by planning, I clearly mean shopping.)

Here’s my ten go-to items to help you kick off your very own best summer ever.

1. Fiesta Island 8 Person boat thingy*

Who says you have to be rich to spend the summer chilling on the lake? This inflatable party island is affordable, easy to store, and doesn’t require gas! Ummm…sign me up, please?

*Yes, “boat thingy” is a technical term

2. CeraVe SPF 30 Sunscreen

If there’s one thing Scott knows about, it’s “scrizzle“. (And getting in fights with chihuahuas, but that’s an entirely different blog post.) Working in dermatology makes him a bona fide sunscreen expert, and this is his hands-down top pick. Bonus? It’s super lightweight and easy to apply while being fairly gentle on the wallet. Save your self from premature aging (not to mention skin cancer) and slather up!

3. St. Tropez Self Tan Bronzing Mousse

Protecting your skin from harmful UV rays doesn’t mean resigning to a summer of pastiness. (Although the older I get, the more I’m finally starting appreciate the pale look.) This self-tanner is an investment, it’s easily the best product I’ve found, and a little bit goes a long way. Plus, it’s Giuliana Rancic’s favorite product–and let’s face it–that girl has a PhD in all things spray tan. St. Tropez sells a foam application mit, but I recommend picking up some cheap latex gloves instead. They’ll keep your hands from turning orange, and you can toss them when you’re done. Easy peasy!

4. Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack

Summer just isn’t summer without some delicious frozen dairy product. While I’ve been loyal to Ben & Jerry’s since college, I never ventured far from my two signature flavors — Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia. A friend recently suggested Late Night Snack (dreamed up by Jimmy Fallon!) and I’ve been hooked ever since. Four words: chocolate covered potato chips!

5. Roller Derby Women’s Aerio Q-80 Inline Skate

I’ll never forget the first summer Scott and I spent in Syracuse. I had just started graduate school, and he was earning minimum wage while working odd jobs on the side. We could barely pay rent on our converted motel room apartment, and it was clear that we were going to be doing summer on a major budget.

Late one evening, Scott returned from a night shift at his restaurant and was visibly on edge. “That’s it!” he exclaimed furiously, “I’m buying us roller blades!”

“Huh?” I responded with confusion and just an ounce of concern.

“I realize we have no money, and aren’t going to be able to do anything fun the summer…but I budgeted it out, and I think we can afford a new set of roller blades for each of us.”

“Okay,” I hesitated, “But why roller blades?”

“Whenever we’re bored, we’ll drive to the lake and roller blade around the park. That will be how we have fun this summer. These roller blades are going to be an investment.”

The following day, we each had a brand new pair of K2 roller blades. Just as Scott planned, we went out on them whenever we needed something to do. We must have skated 500 miles that summer–and saved at least that many dollars. But you know what? We still have those roller blades, and use them to this day. Going out for a skate on a nice afternoon continues to be one of our most loved summer traditions, and is a great way to burn off all that chocolate covered potato chip ice cream.

Imagine that. Roller blades really are a good investment.

6. Aquage Sea Salt Texturizing Spray, 8-Ounce Bottle

I swear by this stuff. It’s perfect for that summer beachy look and requires absolutely zero effort. Anything that means I don’t have to spend thirty minutes blow drying my hair is a winner in my book.

7. Nordstrom Cotton Mesh Fedora

Every summer I buy a cheap, straw fedora.

And every summer the cheap, straw fedora gets crushed and ruined in my suitcase or beach bag. It never fails.

(Sometimes, Scott and I resort to simultaneously wearing our matching fedoras at the airport, to avoid the inevitable luggage squishing.)

It’s cute when Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson do it. Scott and Katrina? Not so much.

I love this Fedora from Nordstrom for its affordable price point, but also its solid construction. The cotton mesh material is practically un-squishable!

(Scott loves it because we’ll no longer be the douchey coordinated couple at Terminal D.)

8. Ray-Ban RB3025 Aviator Large Metal Non-Polarized Sunglasses

These aviators just scream summer. The best part? They’re unisex!

(This totally convinced Scott to let me purchase them as we can share them between the two of us.)

(Obviously, I get first dibs.)

9. Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey Whiskey

Never in a million years did I think I would actually enjoy whiskey.

Guess what?

I actually enjoy whiskey!

This honey-infused liquor has a sweet, warm taste and is divine on its own, or paired with cola, ginger ale or lemonade.

(Tip: Tastes even better when sipped from the Fiesta Island inflatable boat thingy.)

10. Express Sleeveless Portofino Shirt

I just picked this up in Chelsea Blue, and am completely in love. It’s lightweight, comfy and universally flattering! It’s versatility means it looks casual cool with a rugged pair of jean shorts, and ready for a night on the town when paired with skinnys and heels. Pick this up in multiple colors…I promise it will be an integral part of your summer uniform.

***

That’s my list! Did I miss anything? I’m dying to know…what are your ultimate summer must-haves?

P.S. My latest article for Levo Leage, 7 Conference Call Commandments You Must Follow, is up today! I’d love it if you hopped on over to check it out!

Liked this? Then try these:

Three realizations

Coleslaw emergency.

Dontcha Know

Sports Bra Jitters: The Conclusion ⁷

You may remember that last Friday, I made the impulsive decision to participate in a 5K while wearing only a sports bra.

The good news? I came through on my promise. (Even if it was only because I had already written publicly about it and knew backing out could be seen as flakey.)

The bad news? My decision might have been slightly…well…ill-conceived. (Shocking, I know.)

Here’s why:

1. The event was held at a church

As luck would have it, we actually had to go inside the church to register. While I pride myself in being a liberal Lutheran who doesn’t have a problem with a little PDA (public display of abs), entering God’s house in nothing but leggings and a bra–not to mention starting the race with a prayer while my love handles were out for all to see–felt inherently sacrilegious.

2. It was cold and windy

Every last ounce of self-control was required to keep me from running to the car and grabbing my jacket. While the temperature for the actual race was fine, the thirty minutes spent waiting for the festivities to start was pretty nippy. Luckily, I was fully prepared and had worn my trusty DIMRS. (Ladies, if you don’t have a pair of these already, hop on over to Amazon right now and click “order”. Trust me.)

3. It was a family event

Translation? I heard at least four children ask their mommies, “Why isn’t that lady wearing a shirt?”

(I considered responding with, “Because she hasn’t eaten Oreos in THREE MONTHS!!!” but realized that might frighten the youngsters.)

Do I regret my decision? Absolutely not. Sure, this might not have been the optimal setting for my navel’s coming out party, but I’ve wanted to do it forever, and it felt strangely liberating. I’m assuming wearing only a sports bra in public is similar to riding a bicycle…once you’ve managed it once, you’ll be able to do it for the rest of your life without losing your balance or injuring yourself or others?

(Admittedly, that was a terrible analogy…but I think you get what I’m trying to say.)

I completed the course in 32:18. Not bad for someone who hadn’t jogged in over a month, right?

Bonus: my bib number was my birthday!

Running 3.1 miles seriously kicked my butt, but being part of a community event provided the extra boost of motivation I needed to finish the race without stopping once! Perhaps the most encouraging part was halfway through the race, when I noticed Scott standing at the corner, taking pictures. He had come to watch me run! And was so proud of my sheer athletic ability he had been inspired to document the experience with his camera phone! I sucked in my gut, corrected my posture, and picked up the pace so I might impress him even more than I already had. He smiled, waved, and continued snapping photos of his oh-so-athletic wife. I had done the husband proud.

Or so I thought.