DIY

The honey-do list 1

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scott

I’m abandoning the blog once more, but only until Monday. While I can’t explain why or where I will be, just know that I won’t be home, nor will I be logging into WordPress.

How’s that for mysterious?

In my absence, I’m leaving Scott with a brief list of things that need to be taken care of before I return. Some I haven’t had time to do myself. Some I’m too lazy to do myself. But with most of these items, I’m simply not domestic enough to do them myself. (Thank goodness I “married up” in the cooking and cleaning department.)

The “Complete before your wife returns or she will threaten to microwave your favorite deodorant and create a huge mess in the process when she gets home” list

(That list title is a joke. Mostly.)

Make and can salsa

Our neighbor gifted us with tons of fresh tomatoes from his garden, and they need to be dealt with. I’d do this myself if I weren’t so afraid of giving myself Botulism in the canning process.

Watch Season 1 and 2 of House of Cards

There’s no way in Hades I’m having another Frank Underwood marathon all by my lonesome.

Make wine

Our apple tree has been harvested, and we’re up to our eyeballs in spoiling fruit. Wine seems like the perfect way to use them all up. Also? Katrina be thirsty.

Pick up the Kitchenaid

Our standup mixer broke down earlier this year, forcing yours truly to mix all of her baked goods with –gasp–a wooden spoon! (Cue the violins.) We took the mixer to a repair shop in St. Paul, who called us a few days later to let us know that a mere fifty bucks was all it would take to get the Kitchenaid back in tip top shape. The embarrassing part? We received that call…oh…about four months ago. 

Remove our dock from the lake

I’d do this myself but…oh, that’s right…I really hate being waist-deep in frigid lake water while lifting heavy stuff.

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Aren’t you so glad you’re not married to me?

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Les God 2

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Since hanging my giant self portrait in what is perhaps the most prominent piece of wall space in our home, I’ve received mix reviews.

painting

Two people have asked, “Is that a painting of Shakira?”

My mother told me it was “really weird”.

My sister laughed while sputtering “You would do something like that.”

My brother told me I didn’t look caucasian.

And I’m not even going to start on the lengthy list of protests Scott has not-so-subtly filed.

But last night at book club, there was a glimmer of hope. One of my girlfriends remarked, “It reminds me of the poster for Le Mis!”

(Not sure if that’s a compliment, but I’m taking it as one. I mean…it’s a step up from Shakira, right?)

I sized up my work for the umpteenth time. It did kind of look like the Les Mis Playbook design. Yet it also felt reminiscent of another Broadway show. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it…

And then–just like that–it hit me like a ton of harmonized Sunday School songs.

art2

Officially changing the name of my piece from “ShaBritney” to “Les God”.

County fair blue ribbon, here I come!

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A slice of heaven, indeed

A slice of heaven, indeed 4

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If I had a dime for each time I’ve screwed up a magazine recipe, I’d probably have almost twelve dollars.

Let’s just say my finished product never ends up looking quite as good as the professional photo in the magazine.

But last Saturday, I got close. Really close. I’m proud to present, my first attempt at ‘Green Herb and Goat Cheese Pie with Potato Crust’ from this month’s issue of Shape magazine.

shape

Shape’s version

pie

My version

Not bad, eh?

Although if I’m being perfectly honest, the recipe probably turned out so well because I didn’t actually make it by myself. After noticing the phrase “Goat cheese pie” (ummm…yes, please!) while quickly flipping through pages, I decided to host an impromptu “potbrunch”.

Relax, it’s not a weed smoking brunch.

Think of it as potluck meets baking party. All of my friends from CrossFit were responsible for brining one of the ingredients over to my place after our Saturday morning workout. We all prepped, assembled, and baked the pie together.

I was responsible for making/refilling coffee.

(Like I said, this is probably why the recipe turned out so well.)

Scott — initially skeptical that we were making a “diet recipe from some girlie magazine” enjoyed the meal so much, he’s requested I bake it again this weekend. We’ll see how successful I can be when left to my own devices.

Want to try it out with me? The recipe is simple, healthy, and perfect for a lazy weekend breakfast. Here’s how to do it:

 

Shape’s Green Herb and Goat Cheese Pie with Potato Crust

  • 12 ounces Swiss chard
  • 8 ounces curly kale
  • 1/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
  • 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves
  • 1.5 pounds Yukon Gold potatoes
  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 8 eggs
  • 1/4 cup heaving whipping cream
  • 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
  • 4 ounces  goat cheese
  1. Preheat oven to 375
  2. Melt butter in a 10-inch baking skillet over low heat. (We used a cast iron skillet, and it worked beautifully.) Make sure the bottom and sides of the pan are coated.
  3. Slice the potatoes (with the skins on) into super thin slices. You can use a knife, or do like we did, and bust out the mandolin slicer. (I make someone else do this part as I’m prone to slicing my fingers open.)
  4. Place the potatoes in the pan on top of the melted butter. Overlap them by about half an inch, covering the bottom and sides of your baking dish. This will be your crust.
  5. Remove the stems from the kale and Swiss chard and chop into medium size pieces. Toss the chopped up greens with the thyme and parsley. (I went out and purchased fresh thyme and parsley for this recipe, and then  forgot to add them. FML.)
  6. Press the green mixture firmly into the bottom of the potato crust.
  7. Beat the eggs, salt and heavy cream. Pour on top of the greens.
  8. Sprinkle the top with goat cheese. Bake for 40-45 minutes.
  9. Allow pie to rest for 5 minutes before slicing into 8 wedges.

Nutrition per serving: 241 calories, 14g fat (7.5g saturated), 18g carbs, 13g protein, 3g fiber, 422mg sodium

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I hope you love this recipe as much as my friends and I did. The buttery potatoes for a crust? Brilliant. And let’s be honest…everything is better with goat cheese.

Also, I highly suggest picking up this month’s issue of Shape if you don’t already have a copy. They had so many amazing looking recipes, especially in the Cinco de Mayo inspired feature. Black bean tostadas and mango guacamole? I can’t wait to whip those up beg Scott to make them for me.

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I’m so vain

I’m so vain 10

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Some of you may recall a very important resolution I set for myself at the beginning of 2014.

And no, I’m not referring to “Achieving a cellulite-free posterior.” Let’s just say that one hasn’t been going so well.

The resolution I’m talking about is much more…well…fun.  I wanted to start painting again!

I studied art in college, and particularly excelled in painting. Time spent at the easel went quickly — the hours passed like minutes as I zoned out and let my brush do the emoting. At the risk of sounding like one of those hippie dippie art instructors with beads in her dreadlocks, painting fed my soul.

Now felt like the perfect time to head back to the easel. I have the budget for supplies, plenty of space to work, and a plethora of blank walls just begging to be decorated. I decided to jump back in with both feet — ordering a 40×40 canvas from Amazon last week.

The following day, I created a concept for my first project based off of (cringe) an Instagram selfie.

concept

Within forty-eight hours, my 10 square foot painter’s canvas had arrived. I was ready to get down to business! Halfway through the first coat, Scott inquired as to what I was actually painting.

progress

Scott: Is it just going to be a bunch of blobs? Kind of like that Pollock guy does?

Katrina: Jackson Pollock? No. It’s going to be a self-portrait. I’m just working on the background texture right now.

Scott: Seriously? A self-portrait?

Katrina: Yeah. What’s wrong with that?

Scott: Don’t you think it’s a little…I don’t know…self absorbed? It’s going to be huge.

Katrina: Not at all! Many of the great painters are known for the self portraits. Do you think Vincent Van Gogh or Frida Kahlo were self-absorbed?

Scott: They knew they looked funny–they highlighted their flaws in those portraits.

Katrina: Whatever. I would kill for thick brows like Frida.

Scott: Where are you going to hang it?

Katrina: In the space above the fireplace in our living room.

Scott: What?! No. That’s ridiculous.

Katrina: No it isn’t! I’m even using paint colors that will tie in with our decor.

Scott: Katrina. Who hangs a mammoth-sized painting of their face in the most prominent wall in their home?

Katrina: Rich people in movies do it all the time. Haven’t you seen Clueless?

Scott: We are not rich, nor are we in any movies.

Katrina: I don’t care. I’m hanging it there whether you like it or not.

And with that, I returned to my painting.

Over the next twenty-four hours, the portrait started to come to life. Being out of practice for seven years, my skills are a bit rusty, but the final result looked somewhat close to my original concept.

It ended up looking like my slightly more attractive cousin who's eyes aren't symmetrical...but I'll take it!

It ended up looking like a more attractive cousin who’s eyes aren’t symmetrical…but I’ll take it!

Scott was even impressed. “You’re really talented,” he offered, “Now we just need to set up a better space with you an invest in higher quality paints so you can sell some of these.”

“Whoa, whoa whoa…” I responded, “First things first, let’s just focus on hanging this up, alright?”

It came as no surprise Scott was resistant to this suggestion.

“It’s a beautiful painting, but I still don’t want a giant replica of your face looking over our living room. I’m saving you from you narcissism.”

I shrugged casually before sneaking out to the garage to locate a hammer and nails. It was time to take matters into my own, egotistical hands.

painting

painting2

 

It wasn’t until I saw my abstract mug perched high atop our living quarters that I realized Scott may have had a point. A giant picture of my face overseeing the main area of our home? It was a little ridiculous. And self-indulgent. And perhaps just a tad delusional.

But I still kind of love it…?

Moments later, I called Scott into the living area to admire my handiwork. “What do you think?” I asked nervously.

“No offense, but it kind of looks like Britney Spears.”

My heart melted into a puddle of flattery. It was the perfect response.

“Well,” I argue, “If you’re too embarrassed to tell guests your wife hung a giant portrait of herself above the fireplace, you can always just say it’s a painting of the Princess of Pop!”

“That would be even worse, Katrina.”

He continued ranting, but I didn’t catch much of it. I was too busy dancing around the bedroom belting “Paint me baby, one more time!”

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