The incredible Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, to be exact.
That’s right, Scott, Jolie and I road-tripped down to our old stompin’ grounds for a weekend of fun with his sister and her family. And by fun, I mean taking pictures of animals in cages.
And, you know, also going to the zoo.
It’s funny…I’ve been to the Omaha Zoo at least half a dozen times, yet seem to uncover new and practical information with each visit. Today yielded five major learnings that I think we all can benefit from.
1. Peacocks are jackholes.
They’re profoundly snobby and won’t even consider giving you a high-five. Despite the fact that you’re wearing an uber-cool military jacket and drove seven hours to meet them.
They also have no respect for a quality pair of Tory Burch Flats, which I’ll explain in a moment.
All of this makes me really glad I didn’t do something stupid like move into a house with a behemoth peacock stained glass window or something.
2. Butterflies dine on fruit cocktail.
I already hate butterflies. While snakes, spiders and rodents don’t really bother me, moths and butterflies scare the living daylights out of me. I accredit this to their flappy wings of terror and creepiness.
And the fact that they eat fruit cocktail.
Learning about their addiction to this high-fructose injected excuse for produce is simply another reason to pass food snob judgement.
You know, the same way I judge anyone who drinks Mountain Dew.
3. Don’t wear your good shoes.
You will undoubtedly end up in an exact replica of the rainforest, complete with muddy pathways. You also may yell curse words at a stray peacock who steps on your fabulous Valentine’$ Day shoes, covering them in the previously mentioned mud. This will undoubtedly cause at least a dozen Nebraskans to judgmentally stare at you. And not because you’re eating fruit cocktail and guzzling a Mountain Dew.
Yelling “Peacocks are jackholes!” will fail at averting the previously mentioned staring.
4. Zoos make me sad.
If the fact that I blog about my dog’s love life didn’t give it away, I really love animals. Seeing God’s creatures living in captivity really tugs at my heartstrings. This poor baby Gorilla was clearly depressed, haphazardly rolling across the cement floor of his cage as he sadly chewed on a piece of watermelon.
I actually do the same thing when I’m depressed–technically it’s with a jar of Funfetti frosting–but it’s a pretty identical process, otherwise.
5. Kids are worth it.
Sure, I compromised a good pair of shoes, stood next to fermented plates of fruit cocktail, and was foiled again by the contemptible species known as the peacock.
Yet there’s something about a three-year-old running around screaming “Monkey butts!” that makes it a joyous experience, nonetheless. The kids had a blast, and it was so much fun to spend the day with them.
Don’t get me wrong…I’m not planning on going to Chuck E. Cheese in the near future, or anything. But an annual family trip to the zoo? Not out of the question.
Peacocks: 1, Katrina: 0.
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