When it comes to the Oscars, I’ve had my fair share of highs and lows.
Take last year, when I caught about seven minutes of the show while sitting in the hot tub under the stars on a Royal Caribbean cruise out of Miami. Definitely a high point.
Then there was the 2007 chocolate fountain catastrophe. And no, “catastrophe” is not too strong of a word.
I was in graduate school at the time and had invited four or five friends over to sip champagne, nosh on hors d’oeuvres and take in the glitz and glamour of the Academy Awards from my humble studio apartment in Syracuse.
My secret “hostess with the mostess” weapon? A pimped-out chocolate fountain I had recently purchased for my wedding reception, of course. I was going to totally impress all of my gal pals when I unveiled the three-tiered chocolate waterfall at my decadent Oscar Soiree.
To this day I’m sure my friends would have been impressed had any of them shown up. Everyone ended up cancelling at the last-minute, which is how I ended up watching the Oscars from a Lazy-Boy recliner with my own personal chocolate fountain.
Photo by thievingjoker
I suppose I had plenty of company…if you count the fruits, nuts, cookies, marshmallows, pretzels, miniature bites of cake and wide assortment of toffee I had purchased for dipping.
I was about halfway through the goodies when Scott walked in and witnessed the carnage. Picture me, face covered in chocolate, while Scott threatens to call off the wedding.
Yeah. Pretty sure that’s my most pitiful Academy Award moment.
So, while watching last night’s coverage in my in-law’s basement may not have been the most thrilling way to ring in the red carpet, I’m proud to say that I wasn’t eating my weight in fondue while begging Scott not to think any less of me.
But you didn’t come to hear about chocolate binges and nearly called-off weddings. Although if you did, I think we may be soul mates or something. Send me your address and I’ll mail you the “ST ENDS” half of my Best Friends necklace from Claire’s Boutique.
Jolie was wearing that half for a few months until she witnessed me making out with a bag of Doritos (in the figurative sense, of course) and was so ashamed that she gave it back.
Alright. I’m just going to start talking about Oscar fashion before I incriminate myself any further.
My friend Donny sent me another terrifying photo of Angelina. It was simply too good (or bad) not to share…
Whew! That’s enough Spanx and spray tan to last a lifetime.
I know. I never thought I’d say such a thing, either.
So, who wins the ‘Sota is Sexy best dressed award? It was a toss-up between Giuliana’s gorgeous, white Basil Soda number, and Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton. But, in the end, I had to go with Michelle. She took a risk, and I love that she’s not afraid to rock the pixie cut.
Not gonna lie…these photos kind of make me want to chop my hair off and lose 20 pounds.
Do you think she would take it the wrong way if I mailed her the “ST ENDS” half of my BFF necklace?
Yeah, you’re right. Totally creepy. I’ll probably just show up at her front door with the chocolate fountain instead.
But enough about Michelle. It’s time for the worst dressed girl of the night. This one was a tough call, but after all was said and done, one fashion disaster rose above the rest.
I probably should take a nice, long look in the full length mirror before referring to Meryl Streep as an “old bag”.
Maybe next year I’ll try harder and wear something sparkly. Or at the very least something that’s not flannel. But only if there’s a chocolate fountain, of course.