Bundle of joy ⁸

Scott and I are thrilled to announce that our happy little family is soon to be expanding!

Translation? I’m not preggo. (I am however slowly working my way towards a guest appearance on Confessions: Animal Hoarding.)

I’m know, I know…that was a mean trick to play. (Extra big apology to you, Mom.) Would you believe me if it I told you it was all Scott’s idea? Because it totally was. (Plus, I’ve always wanted to publicly share one of those “pregnancy reveal” photos…and as someone who may or may not ever have children, this may very well be my only shot!)

More details on Jolie’s furry little sibling on Monday. In the mean time, be prepared that we’re probably not adopting what you think we are…

While you ponder that little riddle, I’m off to prepare the birth announcements!

Uh…I mean…get some work done.

(P.S. We’re registered at Target if anyone wants to…I don’t know…throw us a pet shower or something.)

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Cat Eyes ³

For the last three years, I’ve been meaning to figure out how to copy Lauren Conrad’s signature wing-tipped eyeliner.

Yup. Three long years. I just keep getting distracted with those pesky new episodes of Extreme Couponing and my latest habit of shopping for tasteful fishnet stalkings online.

(Yes, there is such a thing as tasteful fishnets.)

Being that I’ve finally conquered the Extreme Couponing anthologies, I actually got around to picking up some black liquid eyeliner at Target over the weekend. I rushed home, excited to experiment with the oh-so-vintage cat eye look. While I don’t have any professional training in makeup application, I consider myself fairly skilled when it comes to cosmetics. I can successfully apply my own false eyelashes, after all–slapping on some liquid cat eyes should be a breeze, right?

Wrong.

Oh so very wrong.

Things quickly went from easy breezy beautiful cat-eye girl to Katrina looks like she had permanent eyeliner tattooed on her by a six-year-old child with Tourette’s syndrome who happened to be high on Pixie Stix at the time.

Regrettably, I forgot to snap a photo.

Thank heaven for YouTube makeup tutorials. After taking in a few instructional videos, I was ready to try again. This time? The results were semi-successful! I’m on day 3 of the cat-eye experiment and have grown more and more skilled with each application. My confidence has increased so much, I’ve decided to provide my own little tutorial. Without further ado…

Yep. “makeupthat” is definitely a word.

Step 1: Get some liquid eyeliner

I picked up this stuff from Target. It’s the only liquid eyeliner I’ve ever purchased and/or used, so I have no idea how it performs compared to other brands. Target was about to close, and Scott was yelling at me for “going on another Target bender and buying too many hats”, so I just grabbed the first eyeliner I saw and ran to the checkout.

(To my credit, the hat I selected this time is beyond adorable…no matter what Scott says.)

Step 2: Apply the “wings”

Clearly, I’m still a bit skeptical…

Using the liquid liner–and a very light hand–draw lines from the corners of your eyes up towards your eyebrow. You can make them short for an everyday look, or longer for a bit more drama. They key is to make them thin and precise, and most importantly, even on both sides. (That’s key in not looking like a crazy person.) Don’t worry if they aren’t super dark — you can go over them later.

Step 3: Create the rest of your outline

Are you SURE I’m not going to look cray-cray?

Draw a line from the center of your “wing” down to the center of your eyelid. This will be the outline for your cat-eye.

Step 4: Fill in the shape

Fill in the area you just created. Use a few coats if necessary to achieve a dark, jet black color. (I forgot to take a photo of this step as I was too excited that I was starting to look less creepy/delusional.)

Step 5: Line the rest of your eye

Almost done…

From the center of your eyelid, draw a thin line to the inside corner of your eye. I also did a very subtle line on the lower outside corner of my peepers.

6. Apply mascara, and Instagram the ‘ish out of your fab new look!

Please excuse the random pose with the cherry. It was the only way I could think of celebrating the fact that I could maybe pass for Lauren Conrad’s socially awkward second cousin thrice removed with my new eyeliner.

(Fine…I may have also been trying to secure my free trip to Australia by sharing deceptively flattering photos of me eating healthy snacks. But it’s almost the same thing.)

A few extra tips that may or may not prove helpful:

If the cat eyes aren’t dark enough, you can go over them with regular eyeliner. Just avoid the edges so you don’t muddle the crisp, wing shape you’ve so carefully created with the liquid stuff.
A Q-Tip dabbed in makeup remover is a great way to fix errors and smooth out the shape of your cat eye.
If your husband rolls his eyes, he’s probably just jealous of your snazzy new look. Consider asking him if he would like cat-eye makeup, too.

Once again, I am not a cosmetologist or expert in any way, shape or form. I essentially have no idea what I’m doing other than the few tricks I’ve learned from experience and a smattering of totally narcissistic YouTube clips. Translation? I cannot, under any circumstances, guarantee that you will not look mentally unstable at the end of my six-step process.

But if you do, at least you can blame your crazy eyes on my blog…?

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Home ⁸

Late last night, my brother returned home from an eight month tour in the Middle East.

The knowledge that he had arrived safely in the states was extremely cathartic. I felt gratitude, joy, pride, and most of all, relief. Out of my entire family, I took his recent deployment the worst. Truth be told, the stress I experienced after he left (among other warning signs) led me to discover that I suffer from an Anxiety Disorder. I’ve since received help (more on this later) and have noticed a huge difference in the way I function on a day-to-day basis. Still — having a younger sibling stationed on the other side of the world certainly isn’t easy, even if you don’t have a problem with Anxiety.

I haven’t yet had the chance to speak with my brother, but am so looking forward to our first conversation — I haven’t heard his voice since last September. I’ve missed him.

My brother is the first member of our family to join the military. Until I was directly affected, I never truly understood the difficult sacrifices made by the members of our Armed Services, as well as their loved ones. Each time I see a man or woman in uniform, I have a newfound respect and understanding of the beautiful commitment they have made to their country. Thank you to all of you who have, or currently are serving.

And thank you to everyone who sent kind words and prayers. I feel so blessed to have my brother in my life, extremely grateful that he returned home safely, and truly thankful that you all supported me while I was going through the stress of his deployment. It meant the world to me

Welcome home, bud. We love you and are so incredibly proud of you!

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Operation Meow Meow ¹

There are three major initiatives in my plot to convince Scott to adopt a kitten for our new house. He’s certainly not a cat man, but I’m hoping these three strategies will be enough to win him over so I’ll have the green light to craft a mid-century modern cat condo for my next Pinterest Challenge project. (I may or may not have already started shopping online for kitty cat bow ties.)

Yes, these are the things I choose to occupy my time with.

Part 1: Arrange a meet and greet between Scott and the cat

This part of the plan was executed over the weekend. Unfortunately, it didn’t go off as smoothly as I had hoped. While I assumed Scott would instantly be enamored the moment I placed the fragile puff of orange fur in his hands, he simply spent the entire twenty-minutes complaining about claws while maneuvering her fragile little body into a series of awkward cat poses. To make matters worse, Jolie was beyond terrified of the kitten. Picture whimpering, violent chihuahua shaking, and hiding in an old box of burlap bags for nearly an hour. How she has no problem attacking a full-grown Pit Bull or biting a Great Dane in the face but is petrified by a six-week old cat is beyond me.

Part 2: Dream up an irresistible cat name

Scott has always been a sucker for a clever pet moniker. Surely, coming up with a genius namesake for our new little friend will be motivation enough to make this adoption official. After brainstorming a few possibilities (“Juice” since the cat is orange, “Old Sport”, inspired by The Great Gatsby, “Skunk Cabbage”, just because I think it’s funny ) I’ve finally landed on a winner.

Gilly.

Yes, Gilly as in the character so brilliantly portrayed by Kristen Wig on SNL.

Scott and I have always adored Kristen’s Gilly sketches. I for one would love to summon our new feline by slowly bellowing “Gilly….” in a deep, scolding tone a la the video above.

(Here’s hoping the cat doesn’t actually live up to its mischevious name.)

Scott’s take? “I love it! Gilly. It’s the perfect name for a big dog!”

(I’m still working on that part.)

3. Purchase the CitiKitty

In a moment of weakness, Scott agreed to take in a new kitten. “But only if it’s an outside cat.” he sternly warned.

“What? No way!” I screeched. “This is definitely going to be an inside cat.”

“Nope.” he stubbornly responded. “I’m all about outside cats and inside dogs.”

I let out an exasperated sigh before continuing. “Scott. There are tons of hawks and bald eagles where we’ll be living. There’s no way on the planet I’m adopting a kitten only to have it snatched up by a bird of prey!”

“Sorry, Katrina. I don’t do litter boxes.”

“Come on!” I pleaded. “We can put the litter box in a totally obscure place! No one will even know it’s there…I promise.”

“I’ll know it’s there. I’m sorry Katrina, but the only way we’re having an indoor cat is if it’s toilet trained like Jinxy from Meet the Parents.”

Enter the CitiKitty. (Warning. The video below includes real, unedited cat turds.)